Support Group

Thank you for stopping by. If you are reading the book and found your way here, we have moved the commenting section of the blog to a CLOSED Facebook support group which is a strong, tightly-knit support group.  New posts will appear here regularly, but to join in discussion or just read from like-minded people, join the FB group.
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Leaving The Abusive Relationship

Part 1 of 4: I Didn’t Know That I Didn’t Know


By Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Copyright 2008-2018 All rights reserved

A rerun for the FB group.

Abuse can be physical, mental, emotional, verbal and sexual. It can be but doesn’t have to be all 5. Just because someone isn’t hitting you doesn’t mean they are not abusive. Name calling is abusive, cheating is abusive. Feeling as if you’re walking on eggshells is abusive. Being put in no-win situations is abusive.Gaslighting is a tool of the narcissist/sociopath and

If you know someone in an abusive situation, it is imperative that you get them to understand all the things they might not know. I lost friends as a DV victim. I had people who truly cared but then were so put off when I went back.

What they didn’t know was what to tell me. These are all the things I needed to be told. Some are quite rudimentary and you would think a smart person like me would know them, but I didn’t. And chances are, if you are or know someone who is a DV victim, they don’t know them either.

I am a pretty smart person. Fairly high IQ, well-educated and born and raised in New York City. Street smart and book smart, yet I didn’t know that being a DV victim was not my fault or that it didn’t have to be that way. Not knowing is not stupidity. It’s just not knowing. Here are things to tell someone you love who might be in an abusive relationship. Abuse of any kind – physical, mental, verbal etc.

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Men As Stalking Victims, Part 2: 10 Things To Know For Safety’s Sake

stalkingWould Travis Alexander and/or Ryan Poston be alive today if everyone was duly informed about men as stalking victims?

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

 

There is a fine line between serendipity and stalking. ~ David Coleman

What Is Stalking

The reason the David Coleman quote above resonates with me is that a woman who appeared to be stalking a man called it serendipitous when she wound up in a club a half mile from his home, where he was known to frequent, on the same night he did.  She said to me, “It’s serendipity!” and I said, “No, it’s stalking.”  I don’t know when the quote above was made by its source, but I had this conversation 14 years ago.  Another quote that came to mind, is “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”  She kept thinking that their “accidental” run-ins meant they were destined to be together.  It didn’t and they weren’t.  Thankfully she moved on, and no one died.

Stalkers Who Turn Into Murderers

It has long been known that female stalking victims have been killed by their stalker. Laws to protect people have been put into effect after stalking turns to murder. Rebecca Shaefer’s murder in 1989 led to stronger laws in California to hide addresses of public figures. It’s not a small thing and it’s not unusual. What is unusual is the small amount of attention paid to female stalkers as murderers and their victims. While we may pay attention to the murder trials, we have done little to educate everyone about how men can protect themselves if they have a stalking ex-girlfriend or obsessive girlfriend they can’t seem to get to go away.

The Murders of Travis Alexander and Ryan Poston

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No Contact: Searching and the Rules of Disengagement

disengagement

No contact is hard, but so important to healing

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Pining is the subjective and emotional component of urge to search for the lost object. ~ Colin Murray Parkes.

Colin Murray Parkes was a grief expert who studied the phases of grief and the behavior in those who are grieving. Searching behavior often explains why people try to connect with those whom they have just lost to death…but when the person is still out there, still “reachable,” it makes it difficult to suspend contact and simply let the searching compulsion pass without doing anything about it.  Hard, but necessary.

Parkes was one of the first to analogize human searching behaviors to that of animal species that mate for life.

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 36A Show Notes

 

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

Grief and Loss Part 1 of 3

Show Notes and Player for Episode 36A

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn, iHeartRadio

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in bad relationship, breakup, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 35 Show Notes

 

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

TEXTING!!!!

Show Notes and Player for Episode 35 

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in bad relationship, breakup, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 34 Part 2 Show Notes

 

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

Listener Email with Two Long Podcsts

Show Notes and Player for Episode 34 Part 2

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in bad relationship, breakup, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 34 Part 1 Show Notes

 

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

Listener Email with Two Long Podcsts

Show Notes and Player for Episode 34

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in bad relationship, breakup, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 33 Show Notes

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

Codependency and Building A Life

Show Notes and Player for Episode 33

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in bad relationship, breakup, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 32 Show Notes

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

Listener Email  

Today we answer several listener emails

Show Notes and Player for Episode 32

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in abusive, bad relationship, breakup, cheating, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 31 Show Notes

 

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

Grief and Loss

Today we discuss grief and loss

Show Notes and Player for Episode 31

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in abusive, bad relationship, breakup, cheating, codependency, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 30 Show Notes

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about

Listener Email  

“Because I Love Him/Her” 

Today we answer TWO Listener Emails, one male and one female, who both have issues with their exes and want to get back together with someone who behaved badly and the reason is, “Because I Love Him/Her” which is not good enough.

Show Notes and Player for Episode 30

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn

(links to the show on all these platforms is below)


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Posted in abusive, bad relationship, breakup, cheating, codependency, communications, dysfunction, featured, GPYB, grief, healing, healthy relationship, legal system, loss, mean lady talking podcast, mistreatment, podcast, reconciliation, reconnection, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses, unacceptable behavior | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 29 Show Notes

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about 

Mixed Messages!

What to do when someone is lying or confused or just has no idea what he or she is talking about?

Show Notes and Player for Episode 29

See below for links to listen and subscribe on your favorite platform:

iTunes, GooglePlay, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Spotify, TuneIn


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Posted in breakup, featured, grief, loss, mixed messages, narcissism, narcissist, narcissist personality disorder, personality disorder, podcast, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 28 Show Notes

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about 

Listener Email and Communication!

We have 2 letters:  the first is about a narcissist’s abusive communication toward the child’s coparent and the second is about communication DURING a relationship and secondary losses upon a breakup.

Show Notes and Player for Episode 28


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Posted in breakup, featured, grief, loss, narcissism, narcissist, narcissist personality disorder, personality disorder, podcast, recovery, relationship, relationships, secondary losses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Aftermath of a Breakup with the Personality Disordered

After a bit of a hiatus, the “Navigating the Aftermath of a Breakup with the Personality Disordered (or at the very least, highly dysfunctional)” book, bootcamp and podcast episodes are moving along very very well.

As one of the few people who truly knows both sides of the “fence,” (as a mental health professional and a legal professional), I truly want the podcasts, the bootcamp and the book to be as helpful as it can be to as many people as it can be.

The book will be a mix of strategies to cope with the aftermath of a breakup with these destructive and ruthless individuals whether or not they have been properly diagnosed as personality-disordered (as most narcissists and sociopaths don’t find their way to get help) or are just very dysfunctional lunatics who harass you.  It will include legal information for those who are going through divorce or co-parenting situations. Continue reading

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 27 Show Notes

Welcome to the Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

In this episode, we’re talking about 

Navigating the Legal System with

the Personality Disordered!

The 3rd in a 5 part series as to how to deal with these destructive people when you have to coparent with them and how to bring the attention of the judges, lawyers, CPS workers, therapists and teachers to the right place. What to do and what not to do when dealing with divorce, child visitation, child support, with a very difficult person.


Show Notes and Player for Episode 27


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Posted in breakup, featured, grief, loss, narcissism, narcissist, narcissist personality disorder, personality disorder, podcast, recovery, relationship, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment