Support Group

Thank you for stopping by. If you are reading the book and found your way here, we have moved the commenting section of the blog to a CLOSED Facebook support group which is a strong, tightly-knit support group.  New posts will appear here regularly, but to join in discussion or just read from like-minded people, join the FB group.
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Breaking Up and Deciding to Make “The Turn”

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.©

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can’t prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you’re presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power. ~ Blaine Lee

Each of us has the power to decide whether or not a hurt, a loss, a change in circumstance is going to keep us down.

Each of us has the power to say, “NO MORE” to someone who is hurting us. Each of us has the power to walk away and look at our inner selves instead of trying to get whatever it is we are trying to get from the outside. It comes down to CHOICE.

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MLT Ep 41 Chris Watts on Relationships


Believe it or not, this is a podcast that discusses Chris Watts, infamous family annihilator, waxing not-so-eloqently on RELATIONSHIPS and communication and commitment (really? yes, really!) For the media player OR to find the link to the podcast on your favorite platform, click on continue reading —>  Continue reading

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MLT Podcast 40 This and That

In this episode we’re talking about NOT feeling sorry for your ex and giving in legally – talking about talking to and working with your attorney and other professionals  – how to advocate for you and a short PSA about not having children with bananaheads.
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Valentine’s Day


Requested Repost: 
Valentine’s Day is the epitome of our romantic love fantasy. It represents all that we wish love could be and would be 365 days a year. Valentine’s Day feeds into our notion of romance….every romantic comedy, every heartfelt love song, every “We’ll always have Paris.”

by Susan J. Elliott J.D., M.Ed. Copyright ©  2005-2019

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 39c

In this episode we continue talking about narcissism, sociopaths, psychopaths, the Chris Watts plea agreement.

For Part 2 Go HERE

For Part 1 Go HERE

Podcast player, platform links and show notes next page
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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 39b

In this episode we continue talking about narcissism, sociopaths, and the Watts Family murders.

For Part 1 Go HERE

For Part 3 Go HERE

Podcast player, platform links and show notes next page
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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 39a

In this episode we are talking about narcissism, sociopaths, and the Watts Family murders. If you want to skip the introduction as to who I am and what GPYB is and has been, go to minute 8:30

For Part 2 Go HERE

For Part 3 Go HERE

Embedded podcast player and/or platform links and Show Notes next page

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“You Complete Me” or “Why I Need to Get a Life”

Live your own life to find someone who is a true, supportive partner  

Copyright © Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed. 

When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter. ~ Tom Robbins

I’ve said over and over that in order to find the right person, you need to BE the right person.  No one else should complete you.  They should COMPLEMENT you.

A healthy person finds independence and completeness of another to be wildly attractive.  Many people would think why would two people who were each complete and happy in their own life, partner up with someone similarly situated?  Because secure in your own skin and complete in your own life is good, and complementary with a partner who can help carry the load is really good.

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The Original Leaving the Abusive Relationship

This post has been pulled apart and made into parts of other posts and had a few different versions.  Someone reminded me of this post tonight, and I thought I’d rerun it. I originally wrote it in 2007 a year before Michael got sick.  There still may be some references to him and our relationship in there.

I’ve changed a few references to Michael that were in the present tense, but may have missed some, but the point is that you CAN leave abusive relationships and get happy and whole and find REAL love with a REAL person who will not abuse you and who will treat you wonderfully every single day. Michael was always in an annoyingly happy mood. When I asked him once why (as I was having a complete sh&t storm of a day and in a foul mood), he said that every day he woke up and I was in the world, was a good day.

He was absolutely serious about it as he treated me EXACTLY that way, as if I was an incredibly special person who made the world a better place. And it took me years to develop the attitude that I deserved to be treated that way and believe that a person like that existed…but he did…which is why–when he got sick–I turned myself inside out to provide as much comfort and joy and peace as he could possibly get while being terminally ill.) But I found REAL LOVE after abusive relationships…and you (or someone you love) can too. You can read my story in the introduction to GPYB and our story in the back of GBOT and our story on RopeBurns and my story on the GPYP YouTube Channel. (for links to any of those, go HERE.)

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 38

In this episode we are talking about not knowing that we didn’t know. And how we beat ourselves up for something we couldn’t possibly know. We get mixed signals from someone, we base our impression of them on our own frames of reference, and we know NOTHING about disordered or extremely dysfunctional behavior so we go along rather oblivious.  Then we beat ourselves up when we do get clued in.  That is NOT the way to do it.  Gentle listeners: BE GENTLE WITH YOU!

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 37

In our Season 2 inaugural episode, we’re going to bring you through looking at dating through a new lens.  Thinking about how to say what you mean and mean what you say and what to do when you have no idea at all. Making new decisions in your life by learning from past mistakes.  For the media player OR to find the link to the podcast on your favorite platform, click on continue reading —>  Continue reading

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Building Your Own Life

Way back when I wrote this post and followed it with the second post.  FOr those afraid to get out and build your life, I hope this is some kind of inspiration.


Post 1:

There is more to us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives we will be unwilling to settle for less. ~ Kurt Hahn

When we discover who we are and all the riches we contain (or as Walt Whitman said, the multiples we contain) we understand the depth of our goodness and we refuse to settle for less than we deserve.

The way OUT of garbage and INTO goodness is to recognize our own self-worth, to affirm that we are good and deserve good things and to treat ourselves with dignity and respect. Continue reading

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If You’re the Family Outsider, Give Yourself A Hand!

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Copyright © Susan J. Elliott All Rights Reserved

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.~ George Bernard Shaw

The Road to Sanity Starts with Insanity

Sometimes we are the family skeleton, the black sheep, the shame of the clan.  Many times it’s because the clan is as dysfunctional as the day is long. If you don’t belong in a family like that, you might come to realize how lucky you are. But many times it’s a rough road from being the family skeleton to being a happy and healthy individual. But you can do it. In fact, being the family skeleton, the black sheep, the shame of the clan, actually gives you a head start.

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Replaced by the Ex in a Very Public Way?

Time to #GetOverIt!

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Copyright © Susan J. Elliott


Time for a rerun.

Someone in the Facebook group mentioned the anxiety surrounding when the ex starts to date and being replaced.  Time for a rerun of this!


One of the most common questions I receive every single month since I started writing my blog in 2006 is, “My ex has moved on so fast, what do I do?” Since the advent of social media, it has gotten so much worse.  It seems the “replacing” behavior is now very public. Now it has become, “My ex has replaced me in a very public (social media) way.  What do I do?” 

In the Getting Past Your Breakup book I ask, “Does it hurt when you do that?” and if the answer is “Yes.” Then the response is “Don’t do that.”

The other thing I hear, a lot, is “It’s not about (Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, whatever the hell, the ex, the ex’s new partner)…” and when I hear that, I usually say, “Chances are, yes it is.  That is exactly what it is about.”  If you’re being slammed by your ex’s social media posts, it’s time to detox from social media until such a time when you can handle it. It’s time to block the ex and (temporarily) any mutual friends.  If you can’t do that, it’s time to get off social media altogether. Continue reading

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Gratitude, Support Groups & Getting Better

gratitudeJohn F. Kennedy once said that as we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

M. Scott Peck said that love is an action.

Both love and gratitude are actions. It doesn’t matter what you say, it matters what you DO. Every year I post the YouTube video HERE for my readers on gratitude and I was touched, and grateful, for both the public and private response to it. I am always humbled by being in a position to give even one person a small ray of hope, especially on a difficult day like a holiday. We may be fine before the holiday, but holidays and anniversaries and birthdays can trigger all kinds of unexpected sadness and anxiety.

My life would not be possible without others who helped me during those very bleak and dark days when I was depressed, anxious, borderline suicidal and feeling hopeless.

I remember driving down the road and the only way to avoid driving the car into a wall was to keep chanting, as tears streamed down my face, “I am a child of God and God loves me.” Someone gave me that to say when I was sitting in a therapist’s waiting room and my hands were physically shaking. This man, someone I didn’t know and had never met, turned to me and said, “Just remember, you are a child of God and God loves you.”

He said it in this sweet and kind voice, almost a whisper, that was incredibly soothing. I wasn’t even sure if it was true or even if there was a God but I held onto it, and I said it like a mantra whenever I didn’t think I could go on another minute.  Many of the techniques I’ve taught over the years – affirmations, mantras, acceptance statement, “even though” statements are in the workbook.  And in that dark moment, before anyone taught me anything, I held onto that mantra like it was the only lifeline I had.  At the time it was.  But I learned the importance of all of them.

I see the amazing healing that takes place in GPYB boot camps, seminars and workshops. The healing comes from the willingness to do the work, to support each other and the feeling that you don’t have to do this alone.  Because you know what? YOU DON’T!  There is an amazing transformation that I am honored to witness when my groups share with each other. Wonderful healing takes place.

I’ve told the following story when I’ve done speaking engagements and in seminars and on the blog. It’s a story that really has stayed with me all these years.
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