Bootcamp Light and Coaching Light

Hi all: I have had several people who want to sign up for the bootcamp intensive but the timing is not good for them or they would prefer something less intensive. However, I am still receiving requests for the bootcamp, so I want to make sure everyone can sign up who wants to. I aslo want to offer bootcamp light and coaching light since I’m bringing the forums back. No one outside your group or private space can see your entries. The security is very very tight.

The next bootcamp starts Sept 7: It is 6 weeks of intensive healing exercises where you give and get support and this one comes at the request of a former bootcamper who gained much from her first experience. I’ve had several bootcampers repeat bootcamps. I don’t offer them much anymore because they are very time intensive for me. I am offering this one and don’t know when, if ever, I will offer another one. This is a GREAT opportunity to be involved in a great group that is ultra private and you receive assignments from me and feedback on those assignments every week. It is very much like coaching which is $100/hour except I read your journals every day, give assignments specifically for you, give you support and feedback every week and also give you a support system in the other bootcampers – all this for less than $50 a week.

To sign up for the bootcamp starting on the 7th go here:

BOOTCAMP LIGHT Some people LOVE the idea of a group (and me) reading their journals and getting involved in their recovery on a daily and weekly basis and having a private support system. For those who were around when the forum was private, there was a lot of utility in knowing who is reading your stuff and they feel very secure. Others have said they would like to be part of a group and have the accountability inherent in a bootcamp but don’t know that they can participate as much. So, with that comes “Bootcamp Light” which is set up the same way as a bootcamp, daily journals and weekly general assignments but you get less feedback. Unlike a bootcamp, you can give feedback to your group members or not. Unlike a bootcamp, the assignments are general and you do receive feedback from me but not as much as in a regular bootcamp. Since this goes on longer than a regular bootcamp, you can set goals and be accountable to the group if you do or do not meet them. It gives you incentive and accountability in your recovery. When GBOT comes out, we will work on dating and relationships. You can pick and choose from 3 assignments each week and it will be geared toward beginner, longer term clients and those ready to date again….so it is HIGHLY individualized with group support.

The UPSIDE is two-fold: 1) it doesn’t end after 6 weeks and 2) it’s less money upfront – it’s treated as a subscription for $10.99 a month. This is done in a group setting and members may come and go but no one will be able to get “in” until I know that you don’t know the person (some people have security concerns posting on the public blog). This is a completely private forum and is there as long as you need it.

To register go here:

COACHING LIGHT: As many of you know, I am no longer taking new clients and have wound down the coaching/counseling practice quite a bit. However, some people want to work with me on some specific issues or do the bootcamp program with me privately as opposed to a group. Up until now I have not done that. One of the issues with the coaching packaging system is that many people will start to feel good, drop out and leave their package sessions to expire. I hold spots open for 8 weeks after you purchase a package so if you don’t use those 4 sessions in 8 weeks, you lose it. This winds up as a frustration for both of us. So, I have developed Coaching Light which is done in the forums just like bootcamps are, but it’s private coaching. It’s not as expensive as individual sessions but you have the opportunity to use it as much or as little as you like for a subscription fee of $139.00 a month. That is $35 a week and for that you get the bootcamp format – journal 3-4 times a week and do weekly, individualized assignments and get feedback on it. I give feedback on your journals and assignments once a week. I limit my time to one hour in reading/feedback. It is subscription based so you can start and stop your subscription any time you like. You can choose to take a break or not.

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Stalking and PTSD

Requested repostcryingI’ve never written about stalking before though I’ve shared some of this with my clients and retreat/seminar/conference attendees. As most of you know, my speaking style is completely “off the cuff” and one reason why is my ability to delve into personal things (or not) and a feel for the audience…I switch from topics when this particular audience doesn’t seem to be feeling it. I try to stay relevant and not have any of my speaking engagements turn into a yawn, but anytime I’ve just MENTIONED stalking, people tend to sit up and take notice. I don’t know if it’s because of their own experience or a voyeuristic desire to listen to how it develops and unfolds. All of my stalking incidents could be a movie unto themselves, so I assume it’s riveting material. If it were not so personal, I would go into greater detail (which, as I said, I do on occasion with clients and attendees at a private event and now that more has been revealed to me, there will be more at the events).

In any case, stalking is a troubling subject and not one commonly talked about. My assumption, from being one, is that stalking victims live in fear even years after the stalking appears to have ended. It’s a mental hornet’s nest you don’t want to take a stick to. But, this year I heard that someone who had stalked me for years (but no time recently) had passed away. The result was one of relief and an insane barrage of repressed memories hurdling to the surface. So much of what I put away for years, unable to deal and not wanting to write about or talk about or acknowledge, came blasting through. It was partially a protection of myself, a protection of a family I had not been in touch with for years, and a protection of one member of the family who had long ago predeceased his stalker relative. But I did not go to the hornet’s nest. Upon hearing of his passing, the hornets nest came, unannounced and unexpected, to me.

I had been with this person for an incredibly short time but the damage he did was deep and powerful. There was unfettered abuse (physical, mental, emotional, verbal as well as destroying everything I owned including my psyche and despite all the previous acts of unkindness done to me (including abandonment by my birth mother and abuse by my adoptive mother and other boyfriends,)) and this short-lived relationship plunged me into PTSD. I only got through it after a full 10 years of drinking-to-forget, followed by 10 years of therapy and not drinking to recover from the abuse, cheating, lying and all kinds of terrible and horrible things.

One of my reasons for going back and forth in the relatively short-lived relationship was that he, like most abusers, wanted me DEAD if I wasn’t with him and he tried, on 3 different occasions, to kill me while I was trying to leave. A 4th and final time happened when he stabbed me, came about when I refused to cook eggs at 4 am for his drunken ass. I am going to go into this more on the Forums where I know who is reading it and it will be relatively private (and I hope all members of the Forum feel safe also using the Forum in this way or anyone who just reads because they don’t want identifying information in the public view, join the Forum and write about it.)
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I’ve been asked by a potential bootcamper if we could start it after the 7th so she can get her kids to school and settled before taking this on. If you are interested, please let me know this is okay for you. THANK YOU!!!

IF YOU WANT TO FAST TRACK YOUR BREAKUP RECOVERY, have a daily support system, and get over it in record time, it is TIME FOR A BOOTCAMP!!!

A former bootcamper asked for a new bootcamp because of the value she received from a previous bootcamp including a fast track to healing and lifelong friends. Bootcampers also have unfettered access to me forever.

Due to the time restrictions, I have not offered any bootcamps in a very long time. However, I am willing to do this one this year and do not know when, if ever, there will be another one. The bootcamps have had incredible positive feedback. New members have asked. This starts the first week of Sept and I have to know in the next day or so to finalize if it is going to happen and how many will be there. It takes me at least a week to set up.

Bootcamp requirements:

PLEASE READ REQUIREMENTS CAREFULLY. There are ALWAYS more people who want to sign up than I have room for and when people don’t go through with it or drop out in week 3, that really upsets me because some people who are hurting could use it. PLEASE DO NOT SIGN UP UNLESS YOU CAN MAKE THE COMMITMENT.

1) It’s a bootcamp. It’s going to be supportive and caring but it’s also going to be work. We are going to use the GPYB book mainly and the workbook.

Bootcampers pull together and learn to support each other.

2) There is an introduction thread that I ask be comprehensive so you get to know each other well and in the beginning you might not be able to really understand what someone is talking about so the introduction serves as a reference.

3) There is journaling about 4 days a week. I ask people to let me know if they are traveling. You are welcome to journal every day, of course. There will be two assignments in the first two weeks (more about assignments below). I ask that people take 2-5 days AT THE MOST off (of non-scheduled group time off) and not all at once, of course. Group support is important. To give and to get. In fact, it is THE single most important aspect of the group.

Everyone gets Sunday off and then one day off of their choosing. Because the bootcamp is international, there might be different days that work for different people. I ask that people let others know when they’re taking their day off. You must use at least one off day for self-care and then report in your journal what you did for self-care.

4) There is no set time to log on. The journaling must be more than “Hi, how’s it going. I went to work, came home, ate.” Of course there are going to be days like that, but the majority of the time it should be your thoughts and feelings so we can support you.

It is a NON-JUDGMENTAL atmosphere so you never have to be afraid of sharing your thoughts and feelings. We are here to HEAR you and to help you. However, we don’t want to enable each other either. If you are confused with bootcampers response to you, please email me privately.

You ALWAYS have the option to email me privately to talk about any issues in bootcamp or even to call me on the phone. I had a bootcamper who was receiving different “advice” from others and was very confused. I told her to call me and we spoke for a long time. Another time someone felt judged and upset and we talked about in email and then by phone. I am always there if you need a one-on-one.

You must answer 2 other bootcampers each day—comment on their journals. It does not have to be everyone but it can be if you like. This is to not only guarantee you support but also to teach you how to listen to other when you yourself are in pain. Most people don’t get the benefit of this until well after the bootcamp. I ask that you try to respond to all bootcamps at one time or another.

4) I read the journals every day otherwise I would not know you enough to respond to your assignments. I read journals every day and I ask people that if there is something in their journal they want me to respond to to put it in their assignment response (such as “as I said in my journal, this has been bothering me…”) There is a lot to read every day and if I responded to one person I would feel obligated to respond to all and that’s not possible so I ask that you direct me, in your assignments, to journal entries you want addressed from me.

5) The assignments can be long and if you have trouble completing them one week, you can wait to do them. If you want to send your answer to me and not post on the bootcamp, you can do that. But I find that reading others assignment responses and my responses are helpful but if you really feel that you are sharing too much private stuff wand want to send portions of your assignments directly to me, please do so.

6) I get all feedback to everyone but not every week. Some weeks I give a very long assignment and reading all of the responses can take a long time if I want to give thoughtful feedback and bootcampers expect and deserve thoughtful feedback. If you want feedback on your journals, you can send those to me but typically I don’t respond to the journals though I do read them every night.

This description is just meant to be an honest assessment of the bootcamp. You will laugh, you will cry, you will be angry, sad and bored. And feel better at some point after the bootcamp.

Again, it’s a bootcamp…it’s hard work and you get what you put into it…but you do have others to support and a group to commit to, so please sign up with that in mind.

The cost is $350.00 and can be paid to me but has to be paid in the next 3 days so I can have the time to set it up. Please email me that you are absolutely committed to the full 6 weeks. Thank you!!!!

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Believe it or not we have hundreds of registrations a day and 99 percent of them are from spammers! Please email me at sj_elliott AT verizon DOT net if you register and I will approve you. If you are not approved within the day, email me again here or on FB. I want everyone to be able to participate so PLEASE let me know you have registered and I will approve you!!!! TO register: go to any post (including this one) and in the comment box it will say login or register and you register and then send me email. Thank you!

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8/19 Check in Thread

How is everyone doing?

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Women’s Guide To Dating

New ebook: Many moons ago I wrote a post, Being Unavailable versus Playing a Game for women who are dating. I was including it in the new book, but it didn’t flow so I am writing an entire book about the balance in dating for women. Right now I am making the chapter available for purchase if you are interested. Because it’s part of a package to sell the book I can’t keep the material on the blog for free, but wanted to make it available. It is 32 pages and if you purchase it, you will receive updates to it as they come out (I’m working feverishly on it. :) Would also like feedback if you want to give it. Thanks all. ebook is 9.99 and will be sent in .pdf format.

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Workbook and Bootcamp

Website is back up…fixed a few glitches.

two things: workbook still on sale (see 2 posts down) and I am starting a new bootcamp at the request of a former bootcamper. Bootcamp is 6 weeks long and will start 9/1. I have several people interested and will limit it. The bootcamp is based on the book and the workbook. You will receive the workbook as part of the bootcamp.

If you are intererted please email me at sj_elliott AT verizon DOT net or PM me versus one of the FB groups and pages.

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Stepping Out of the Dance


Over the past few years people have invited me to different support groups and events to speak. When the organizers want me to start with my story this is something I never leave out. It’s actually a much better story to hear than to read but here you go. It’s a story I tell almost every time I’m asked to speak and one I ALWAYS tell when speaking to women’s groups.

When my ex and I first separated, he would take the kids for “visitation” and go to his grandmother’s and call me up. Although he was supposed to be visiting with the children, he would call me almost the minute he got them back to his grandmother’s house.

He would tell me everything that was wrong with me and how horrible a wife and mother I was…how he abused me and cheated on me because it was my fault, I was so wretched. If I tried to argue or hangup he would tell me that if I did, I would never see the kids again.

I would listen to his tirades and endless castigations against me (complete with every name in the book, including ones I haven’t heard since leaving him). I would cry and beg him to stop. Continue reading

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Know What Hurts and Stop the Pain

change_edited-1One of my favorite Melody Beattie lines is that when you are recovering, it’s important to know what hurts and learn to stop the pain.

When my kids were going into high school they had to have immunizations. They are all needle phobic but my middle son Michael, the toughest one in the bunch, was ridiculous about it. He was a big tough guy that no one ever messed with but he turned into a bubbling little boy when a needle shows up near him.

The nurse came in with a gigantic needle and I watched his eyes grow wide like saucers. She marched over to him and jabbed him in the arm with the needle. He yelped, “GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!” She turned to me and told me to tell him to stop it. I had to stifle a laugh and refused. She was angry.

Too damn bad.
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GPYB Workbook

We have several new members who asked about the next workbook sale, so here it is. You have the choice of on-line (fillable .pdf), off-line (print out the work sheets) and both (some people want both). The special will run for a couple of days.

If you order a workbook, please email me at sj_elliott AT verizon DOT net and let me know because PayPal does not always send me the notification.

FYI, all workbook purchasers may ask me questions about the workbook exercises and I will post a “WORKBOOK FAQ” in the upcoming weeks. If you’ve ever purchased the workbook, feel free to write and I will answer you directly and will put your question in a faq (not with your name, of course!)

If you have questions about the workbook prior to purchase, you can ask in comments and I will answer here.


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