3/30 Check in Post

Green Check MarkAh, it’s Monday and almost April and spring has not yet sprung here in the Northeastern US. Wonder when that might happen. How is everyone doing?

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Workbook Work Post

SI ExifWhen you hit “continue reading” this post will take you to the workbook TOC. Ask any/all questions about the workbook in the comments of THIS POST ONLY whether you have bought it or are planning to. As you can see, it’s long and you don’t have to do it back to front. You can skip the inventory section.

You can ask questions before and after and I will answer them. One of the most important exercises are the Overdeveloped Defense Mechanisms. I tried so hard to get them into the book but it didn’t fit. Acceptance Statements, Mantras and Gratitude Lists is a big chapter to pay attention to. If you have questions/comments, no matter how general or specific, please ask in comments.
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Signs of Recovery from Low Self-Esteem, Relationship Addiction and Loving “too much”

I run this a couple of times a year. It’s from Women Who Love Too Much but it can be applied for anyone recovering from unhealthy relationships. These are signs that you are INDEED recovering.

As someone who went from being a horribly sick individual in horrifically dangerous, destructive relationships to being a TOTALLY recovered WWL2M who was in a long-term relationship with someone who never once made me cry or called me a name or did anything untoward to me, who told me early on, “I want to make you the happiest person on Earth,” and then DID, all while supporting my individual goals and pursuits no matter how small (I want to start walking in the morning) or large (I want to go to law schoool), I can tell you that this is not only possible but it’s the only way to go through life. Don’t settle for some of this…go for ALL OF IT!!!!!!!
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When Rejection Smacks Your Self-Esteem Around

rejection1A new Psychology Today blog (by me :) ) about Rejection.

It’s titled Rejection and Dating but it gives tips on rebounding from any kind of rejection. The story I tell in the article is about an experience I had with a group of women where I worked not so long ago. It was the only “mean girls” type of experience I’ve ever had and it rocked what I thought was an un-rockable level of self-esteem. I use a “non-relationship” example because it was one of those “no reason” rejections…they didn’t even know me! So many times we are rejected early in a relationship when someone doesn’t know us or later on when they are misinterpreting us or purposely twisting our words, stance, intentions or our complete person. When you are thinking, “There is no reason for this…” you start to obsess and question everything about yourself and wrack your brain as to what the hell you did or said for this rejection and you come up with nothing. So I use this example because it was so surprising, unexpected and really slammed me against the wall in a way I thought IMPOSSIBLE at the time. So I wanted to use an example from my life at a time when a) I had good self-esteem and b) the rejection or the “we really don’t like you for no reason” really affected me and c) how I bounced back from it.

Rejection and Dating

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3/22 Check-in Thread

Green Check MarkHow is everyone doing?

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Your Right To Swing Your Arm…

nose…ends at the tip of my nose.

Repost requested in comments:

(I cut and paste this twice and the second time in the middle of the post so in places it looks like a mashup of some kind…I’m working to edit it out…sorry!)

A few years ago I wrote a post about this but I have to say that lately I’ve been hearing A LOT about people taking WAY too much responsibility for not being “understanding” enough because their partner had some sort of “condition” (ADHD, depression, grief, mental illness, alcoholism, etc etc etc).

People who are suffering from any one thing have two responsibilities: 1) to get help for it and 2) to not abuse anyone.

There are NO excuses for abusing anyone. I don’t care who you are or what your affliction is.

A person that I love dearly has begun (for about a month or so) to engage in baffling behavior and attempts to discuss said baffling behavior go unresponded to. I have tried to speak nicely and when that didn’t work, engaged in a bit of yelling.

Okay–a lot of yelling. Then I calmed down and tried to engage in some talking and asked this person if they had any response whatsoever and said person said that there was no point to talking because I would scream and yell.
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I came across this article this morning and I love the attitude this woman takes.


This is my favorite part — how she deals with criticism:

After the post went viral and many people were negative toward her, she wrote a post on her blog: “How Being Cyber Bullied After Going Viral Will Make Me A Better Parent,” explain why the mom decided to respond to one particular criticism she received — that she is overly self-important about the fact that she carried twins.

Part of her blog post: (GPYB readers should make this your mantras!)
“Having self worth is an important part to having self acceptance”
“I think its okay to be proud of your strengths and accomplishments and find peace with your weaknesses.”

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International GPYB

GPYB was just released in Polish with new releases scheduled for Chinese, Vietnamese, Czech, Slovak and Turkish.

The Polish has been released, the Chinese (Taiwanese), Vietnamese, Czech and Slovak will be out by the end of the summer. The Turkish was just signed, so it might be another year.

Thanks to all the readers who (obviously) wrote the rights department at DaCapo. :) The London International Book Fair is coming up so if you have requests, get them in. :)

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When The Person You Love….

I have written over 2000 posts on this blog in 7 years. This is the most requested and referenced (on other websites) of them all. The last time I posted it was almost a year ago, so it deserves a re-run especially in the face of the comments I’ve been reading. To all of you: YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

It’s hard


it happens.

And it hurts.

You love someone who may have loved you once upon a time;


You love someone who acted like there was a possibility of love in return, but now there’s not;


You love someone who simply doesn’t feel the same way and isn’t going to feel the same way, ever;


You loved someone deeply who loved you deeply and then this person just switched off and hurt you in ways that were unimaginable at the height of your mutual love;


This person loved you and you loved them and then someone new came along and they left. Friends tell you that you are better than this new person in every way. But your ex is still with Mr. or Ms. New Thing.

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There has been an inordinate amount of spam coming to the site and many things are being flagged as spam and held for moderation. If yours is one of them, please email me. I didn’t see all the posts in moderation yesterday. I usually get a notice but if there are too many I think it just stops notifying me. Yesterday there were 47 posts in moderation and 39 of them were spam. Hopefully the spammers get a clue and it stops but please feel free to email me or tweet me (@susanjae) if yours in in moderation for more than an hour.

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