Requested repostI’ve never written about stalking before though I’ve shared some of this with my clients and retreat/seminar/conference attendees. As most of you know, my speaking style is completely “off the cuff” and one reason why is my ability to delve into personal things (or not) and a feel for the audience…I switch from topics when this particular audience doesn’t seem to be feeling it. I try to stay relevant and not have any of my speaking engagements turn into a yawn, but anytime I’ve just MENTIONED stalking, people tend to sit up and take notice. I don’t know if it’s because of their own experience or a voyeuristic desire to listen to how it develops and unfolds. All of my stalking incidents could be a movie unto themselves, so I assume it’s riveting material. If it were not so personal, I would go into greater detail (which, as I said, I do on occasion with clients and attendees at a private event and now that more has been revealed to me, there will be more at the events).
In any case, stalking is a troubling subject and not one commonly talked about. My assumption, from being one, is that stalking victims live in fear even years after the stalking appears to have ended. It’s a mental hornet’s nest you don’t want to take a stick to. But, this year I heard that someone who had stalked me for years (but no time recently) had passed away. The result was one of relief and an insane barrage of repressed memories hurdling to the surface. So much of what I put away for years, unable to deal and not wanting to write about or talk about or acknowledge, came blasting through. It was partially a protection of myself, a protection of a family I had not been in touch with for years, and a protection of one member of the family who had long ago predeceased his stalker relative. But I did not go to the hornet’s nest. Upon hearing of his passing, the hornets nest came, unannounced and unexpected, to me.
I had been with this person for an incredibly short time but the damage he did was deep and powerful. There was unfettered abuse (physical, mental, emotional, verbal as well as destroying everything I owned including my psyche and despite all the previous acts of unkindness done to me (including abandonment by my birth mother and abuse by my adoptive mother and other boyfriends,)) and this short-lived relationship plunged me into PTSD. I only got through it after a full 10 years of drinking-to-forget, followed by 10 years of therapy and not drinking to recover from the abuse, cheating, lying and all kinds of terrible and horrible things.
One of my reasons for going back and forth in the relatively short-lived relationship was that he, like most abusers, wanted me DEAD if I wasn’t with him and he tried, on 3 different occasions, to kill me while I was trying to leave. A 4th and final time happened when he stabbed me, came about when I refused to cook eggs at 4 am for his drunken ass. I am going to go into this more on the Forums where I know who is reading it and it will be relatively private (and I hope all members of the Forum feel safe also using the Forum in this way or anyone who just reads because they don’t want identifying information in the public view, join the Forum and write about it.)