I’ve been having issues with the site myself and HostGator is so unhelpful…(I really have to find a new provider) and I know some of you have had trouble with the old check-in thread so here is a new one. Hope it works.
Someone wrote me about their Relationship Inventory and while I can’t answer emails personally about this sort of thing, I want to urge everyone to be honest about YOURSELF in your inventory. Some of the ones I’ve seen could be summed up as “My ex was a psycho loser and I was perfect.” Others are the opposite….my ex, despite the clearly psychotic behavior, is the best thing since the folded napkin and I’m a loser for losing him or her. Neither of these things can be remotely close to the truth of the matter.
The inventory is designed (as it says in the book and workbook) to try to give you an objective viewpoint of the relationship and to stop your splitting (both good and bad).
I was watching “World’s Dumbest Criminals” on TruTv and there was a guy who threw a molotov cocktail into his ex-girlfriend’s house and as he was being dragged away, was screaming how much he loved her. I thought to myself, “I’ve been in this relationship…” But I’d be the girlfriend crying and yelling at the police to not drag away the criminal who just fire bombed my house.
The only hope is no hope. ~ George Costanza
When I first separated from my ex, I lost my mind about a month later and asked him to come back. Begged him, actually. He stood there stone-faced and said, quite nastily, “No.”
I was devastated. I was mortified. I was freaking out. It was one of the lowest points of my existence and there had been some pretty low points at that time.
My therapist later said to me, “Don’t ask a question unless you are prepared for every answer.”
I watch judge shows because I’m a lawyer and a therapist. I watch for the people stories rather than the law. The small claims cases that make up judge shows are first year law school subjects: torts, contracts, property.
However, the lessons from these shows should be heeded by everyone…don’t shower a lover with gifts and expect to be paid back…don’t get involved with a deadbeat because sooner or later you will be the debtor chasing them around for your money. Don’t bail someone out with money unless you have an agreement IN WRITING for payback.
As we bid September goodbye, how is everyone doing?
If you’ve written me that your workbook link expired, please let me know that it was reactivated (or not).
If you buy a workbook, please download it right away. The link expiration is a copyright issue and I can’t keep reactivating expired links as it increases the security/copyright issues. Thanks for your help with this!!!
In today’s court shows, another example of the messes we make for ourselves that we don’t need to make:
On Hot Bench, one woman is suing another. The Plaintiff (P) met the Defendant (D) because the D was dating the P’s ex (X – the invisible Brian who had the brains enough to not show up to this rodeo or maybe he just doesn’t care enough).
At first it was a cantankerous relationship between D and P, but then D and X broke up and X was dating P’s cousin. (PC). D discovers she’s pregnant with X’s baby and she and P move in together. It doesn’t last long as P goes back to X (what a prize!) and they become engaged (conveniently before the court date). D can’t be around X so he doesn’t show up to the case because D has a physical anxiety attack around him and, because she’s pregnant, that is bad for the baby.
P is happier than a pig in poo that she has landed this cheating lunkhead. D looks mortified that she’s going to have a baby with the loser. But it sounds to me that P is happy to have “won” the prize over D and her cousin.
Are your insides churning? Are you tracking every movement he or she makes? Are you interpreting everything he or she does and trying to figure out which things are really secret messages to you? Are you putting nonsense statuses up on your Facebook page/Twitter feed/Instagram etc to get them jealous? angry? sad?
How about Match.com/eHarmony/Zoosk/Tinder/Tag/whateverMingle or whatever…are you looking at his or her profile and figuring how when he or she is on line? Has he or she suddenly made themselves available again and you’re dying because you can’t stop looking at it.
WELL STOP IT.
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
Immediately defriend the ex and all of the ex’s friends and family from Facebook. Unfollow on Twitter and block on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Stay off of dating sites. Delete anything that is too tempting for you to have on your computer and not peek at your ex from time to time. That’s right: DELETE.
Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit. ~ e.e. cummings
I’ve done a lot of strange things in my life due to my screwy upbringing, low self-esteem, relationship dependency/addiction, chaos in my life, confusion and reacting etc.
In “Beyond Codependency” Melody Beattie says that relationships are where the rubber meets th road. You can tell where you are in process by looking at your relationships. You can see your own health by looking at the health of your partner. If your partner is a true sicko, what the F is wrong with you? That is the question.
Recovery from bad relationships takes time. We often are at a low point in our self-esteem and at a high point in questionable There are lessons to be learned that we don’t necessarily want to learn. There are steps to take we don’t necessarily want to take. And there are post-traumatic-breakup relationships that we rush into in an effort to leave the ex and the dingy past behind us.