I wrote this months ago and the lady in question, Griselda Uglyheart, has been writing me telling ME how wrong I am. She is way in denial and is taking her husband’s horrible behavior out on a CHILD. She wanted me to RETRACT that Cowardly Cunningham cheated on HER, so fine…it wasn’t her….but that makes it even WORSE that she would demand this guy DENY his child and not have anything to do with him and encourage her husband to SUE for emotional distress because she (mother of child) somehow chose to let him know he had a child.
I have written about 8-10 “splitting” posts. Here is one that was requested.
I was in a long-term relationship that I’ve written about on here. We were in a 4 year relationship and it was a pretty nice relationship but we had to go our separate ways in order for us (especially him) to grow.
Based on comments, this needs a rerun.
I have said over and over again that healthy boundaries are the key to good relationships. Yet I keep hearing people say “I’m a good person who was good to him or her and he or she treated me like crap.”
Well good people are not doormats. Being a doormat doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you a stupid person. Take it from one who has been there.
To avoid spammers getting on the board, we have a fairly sophisticated spam filter in place.
Sophisticated doesn’t mean it’s not stupid. Sometimes it does things that have no rhyme or reason, but here is how it’s supposed to work:
If you’re new, you have to have at least one approved post before you can just post away. If you keep posting and ask where your posts are, the spam filter might tag you as a spammer, so don’t do that. We’ve had long-time posters suddenly become unable to post anything because they’ve been posting posts with links. There is NOTHING I can do once you show up on the spam filter radar.
If I had to vote for my least popular post, this would be it. But it’s one of the most important I’ve ever written. It contains observations and things that NO ONE wants to hear. Sorry. But it’s helpful to know. It’s a long post because I try to give a few examples. I’ve been on both sides of this and I’m sure a lot of you have been as well. Although it’s hard and painful for most of us to read and think about, it happens and it’s worth talking about.
Amazingly enough, during my research for Getting Back Out There I interviewed a woman who had the same experience I did. In fact the names are just about interchangeable, so this is not that uncommon.
Not every post or every reader is about bad relationships. This blog and the book are about relationships that run the gamut. Many times the relationships are okay or even good and one person just says, “You know what? I’m outta here.” Sometimes there is absolutely no reason for it. It’s a nice relationship, you’re a nice person, but it’s not compelling enough for me to stay. That happens. Can be mind-boggling to the person being left, but it happens.
I used to start a lot of sentences with “I need….” and most of them ended with “I need THAT person to stop doing that TO ME.” “I need THAT person to change THIS way…” “I need that horrible thing to never happen to me again…” etc etc.
A wise person said to me: There are only FOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS.
Four? It seemed like I needed everything and got nothing. FOUR? I could do four. What were the four?
How is everyone doing? (If you’re new and posted in the last check in at the end, feel free to repost here…well, that goes for everyone but I wanted new people to know how it works..we want to make sure everyone gets the support they need.)
“One of the first steps of recovery is to develop a full life for yourself. Nothing happens until that occurs. Have a plan what to do if you get lonely so you don’t do the disasterous ‘Drink and Dial!’ Or you don’t do the ‘Daydream and Dial.’ HE’S NOT DIFFERENT! Nothing has changed! Learn to build a great life and avoid the risk factor of loneliness.” ~ Sandra Brown
As many of you know, I am the owner and moderator of a Yahoo Women Who Love Too Much list and Facebook group I post there and here and have some members from there over here but that group is not open to men and GPYB has a larger-than-usual number of men who have read the book, post here and attend the seminars. And the men I’ve met at the seminars and through the blog and email group are some of the nicest men I’ve ever known. And they are thankful for a gender-neutral place to share and be a part of because I think that most breakup books and sites are geared specifically to women. So most of the GPYB material is gender neutral (as well as age neutral/sexual orientation neutral etc).