Welcome to V4 of the GPYP/GPYB blog!
If you are registered in WordPress from the old blog, you are probably just able to post a comment although you will need to have the first one approved. This has NOT been working for everyone so you may need to register again with WordPress. To do that: go to the end of the post and click on comment and it will say you need to be logged in and take you to the WordPress login. You can try your old name and password and if it doesn’t work, there is a REGISTER box under the login screen. Just register there. (please try to select a username that is either a real name or positive!) I’m looking into it but it looks like it’s working for some and not for others.
As soon as you have one comment approved, you will be able to comment freely (though comments with links still go to moderation).
To avoid confusion and endless paging, I have designed this blog so that you can get to all content from the from pages either through categories or “read more…” or frontpage “featured” posts. There are also subgroups such as classics and repost requests. Trying to keep everything in one place.
Please let me know what you think.
The new website looks terrific!
thank you Susan for continuing to provide a site for us, it’s invaluable
How does one edit posts? or remove a post?
We’re working on an editing function. Right now you can edit your comment up until 30 minutes after you post it.
You may see functions/capabilities go on and off as I test things and try out different plugins. Do not be alarmed.
Hello, am new at this. Are there any older post than August? Or do the old postings and comments get achived at the end of the month. I have read all the August posting and was wondering if there more from previous months
Well, we are glad you are here. This is the 4th iteration of the blog which has been here since 2006 and there are over 1200 posts. I am slowly populating it back. Is there a particular topic you want to see? I’m trying to post in response to reader’s requests.
Do you have the book?
Yes I have the book. But am just not sure how a blog works. If one can just read old posting, or delete a post after a while (sometimes, people can write some silly things in a moment of distress and want to take it back later). And for how long each posting is visible if they are changed every few months.
The “classic” posts will remain. Because of my publishing contract I can only keep a percentage of posts visible at any one time. On the old blog it was between 100 and 300 (closer to 100).
They do change every few months.
For this blog I’m trying to rely more on the categories so that people can find them easier. I’ve gotten rid of the next and previous buttons so that everything will be navigable from the front page.
Comments are not delete-able except for the first 30 minutes after posting.
Loving the new blog!
So glaaaad this is back up!! Susan, Thank you, Thank you for your time…I would love to see the old article you did on Self Worth and Water Seeks its own Level and ANYTHING about Abandonment issues which your latest piece on Built-in Forgetter spoke about…thanks again:)
Any possibility of an Audiobook of the whole book? I think it would be helpful to listen to it also.
Thank you for all the work you do.
Thank you! I need to speak with my publisher regarding audio rights. If they’re not going to do an audio book, I’ve had so many requests for one I’d like to do it. I have to look at my book contract.
Hi Susan, been quite some time since I logged in. Thanks for all the work you put into this. Priceless.
verite @ annie 3112
P/S Are the regulars still around?
Hi Susan, I bought your book on Monday and cant put it down. My heart has been broken and your book has given me so much motivation and information . I cant thank you enough. I feel lost, abandon and confused. Sometimes my grief is overwhelming but I will get thru it and survive. Hopefully, coming out on the other side a better, happier person . Is there a forum set up on the internet to have interaction w/other people going thru the same thing ?????
This is it! Go to the Check-in thread or any other post and talk to the community. There are wonderful people here!
Got your book, found the blog, like you on FB, working on my journal (and journey), seeing a therapist, getting healthy. Just checking to see if I can post now too.
you can ! Welcome!
Totally awesome and most helpful site. It’s like getting new chapters to an already great book every day
Thank you for continually helping me!
You’re welcome! Glad you are here!
Sorry, I just realized I should have posted in the check in section. I’ll try and re-post there.
I read your book and I loved it. I went through a Horrific breakup almost two years ago. I was with my boyfriend for two years until I found out he was a pathological liar and a cheater. I walked out devastated and broken. I have spent the last two years making healthy choices and working hard to put the pieces of my life back together. As much time that has passed, I am still nursing a deep wound and so I know this site will be a great help for me. It already has been!
Welcome and glad you are here!
So glad to see this is back!
Susan,
I want you to know how much your book and this blog has continually helped me! I had a rough week because of my birthday and another holiday alone (just Halloween but still used to being with ex). Although it’s going on 10 months since I was dumped after 17 years, I guess I was expecting too much and that I would get over this long before now.
WELL…today I re-read many of the blogs on this site and cut & pasted things to help me.
The whole “because I love him or her” blog helps me the most. Something really hit home today…
Why do I think I want this person back? She said she isn’t in love with me anymore, she treated me poorly and even worse once she left me, the drinking and lying are out of control, she is sleeping or messing around with every guy she meets or dates, her ongoing mental health issues are not being taken care of…what the hell do I want back?? She is NOT the person I knew less than a year ago and her true colors are coming through. This 40 year old is acting like a immature college student and I DON’T NEED THAT!! I DO deserve so much better. Also going on week 3 of no contact!!
Something I read on Facebook is awesome (Love Quotes and Sayings):
An ex is called an ex because it’s an EXample of what you shouldn’t have again in the future.
TRUE that
Maryanne
Thank you! Glad you are here!!!
Hi Susan and fellow GPYP readers! I am new to your teachings and this community, but I am finding a great deal of peace and understanding in what I have read so far. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, which has been devastating but definitely the RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT thing to do. To make this difficult time more difficult, I moved out of our home, quit my job, and am living with my parents, something I never thought I would have to do as an adult. Life seems bleak in one moment, full of possibility in the next. Your teachings are keeping me positive and making me feel supported. Hope to become more involved in this community, peace and love to you all!
Welcome! Glad you are here!! Life IS full of possibility…you will find that to be the absolute truth. Again, welcome.
Hi Susan and everyone,
Susan, your book has been a lifeline for me. Finding this blog has been wonderful. It really helps to know that others are traveling the same path I am on – working on creating a happier life where bad behavior won’t be tolerated. I’m looking forward to both receiving support and giving support to others on a similar journey!
I have found the registration form for the next bootcamp, but would like to read more about what it entails and what is required on my part. Can you please post a link to it? Also, is it appropriate for current members to comment on the process. Thank you so much.
I’m glad you asked. I am going to post a post about the bootcamp in the next few days. I think it’s very important for you to be committed to it and very unfair to the others when you are not.
Susan,
I have found your book invaluable. I find myself struggling from time to time, still very sad (although I don’t know why….clearly this guy has issues and I’m better off without him) but I guess it’s the idea of no longer sharing your life with someone and going from almost every day of contact or seeing one another, including our future plans (all BS) to nothing and feeling all alone again. I read about the blog in the book and got online and it’s been so helpful for me to know that there is a network, a community of people out there all experiecing a similiar loss and not feeling so alone. I am keeping the NC but he does not and it’s very frustrating. Even when I have asked him multiple times to leave me alone. No phone calls, no texting, no emails, nothing. He doesn’t get it. I received 3 very odd cryptic texts this morning…. they make no sense. I’m not even sure they were intended for me or maybe they got lost in the void from over 2 months ago? I don’t know but Susan – your words echoed in my head….it doesn’t matter. Move on and don’t think about it or try to figure it out. I am loving this book so very much. It’s been a lifesaver. I am interested in hearing more about the boot camps.
We’d love to have you in the bootcamp. Registration for the next one is open now but I haven’t really advertised it bc I’m concentrating on the women’s weekend and finishing up the last bootcamp.
Definitely ignore it. It doesn’t make sense and even if it did, doesn’t matter a bit. Be sure to introduce yourself in the check-in thread and make yourself at home in this wonderful community!!!
Glad you are here!
Hi Susan,
Is there a way to see all my posts in one place? It would be healthy for me to re read them periodically, just like a journal. When I falter in my resolve, my own words speak loud and clear! (I also love to revisit your words back to me!!!)
Thanks.
We’re actually working on something like that. Right now you just have to go to the check-in posts or other posts where you’ve written. I”m working on a couple of different search mechanisms as well as some on-line journaling ability which is like a check-in. I’ll let you know when we get there (there are several things going on behind the scenes right now), but if I take down a post that you’ve commented on and need it back up, just let me know.
Hi – I have suddenly stopped getting the daily digest emails
Does anyone know where in my account screen I can ensure I am still sent these emails or why they might have stoppped? Thank You
You may need to resubscribe. We are updating the site and some things have been taken out and put back. Sorry if you fell through the cracks!
Hello All: My boyfriend of two years and I just broke up. He moved out about 2 months ago. We had sex 3 times (the third time was about 3 weeks ago) in our entire relationship. He thought there was nothing wrong with this scenario. I explained to him time and time again how important it was to me. How essential it was to a healty and close relationship. He’d make promises to me that he’d — spend more time with me, he’d try harder, etc. He made up excuses that ranged anywhere from problems/issues with past relationships to saying I put pressure on him and in this words “I was kicking a puppy” and I was only pushing him further away. 3 times in almost 2 years–what the heck was I thinking! He lived with me for the last year. I did everything. I cooked, cleaned, shopped, made his lunch, did his laundry and satisfied him. He reallly did nothing for me. He was the type that would not talk things thru. He walked out because he couldn’t/wouldn’t deal with anything. He even told me he never felt comfortable living with me in my house. I literally cried for the last 2 months. Last night I snapped and got mad after he shut me down again about talking things over. I called him every name in the book. I know it was my fault for staying with this man for so long. You read the things above…what the hell did I see in him ha? But, for some reason he BS’d me for so long, that I feel guilty. How and why do I feel this way when clearly I got NOTHING in return from this man. He smokes pot and drinks — two things that he would not give up even to see if it was going to help with his “problem”. He wouldn’t see a Dr. either. Pls someone help me understand.
We are looking forward to your upcoming seminar GPYB in NYC!!! http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/gpyb-weekend-seminar-may-2012/
From genConnect.com team
“‘Cycling’ but have not fallen off the bike. ‘Splitting’ but have not been torn in half.” That’s probably how I would describe the last few days.
So … 9 WEEKS TODAY HALLELUJAH, absolutely NO CONTACT. He has repeatedly tried to contact me in numerous BH sorts of ways including writing my counselor. This culminated with a pair of texts I got night before last (unable to block w/o a number change, contract change, phone change blah blah blah). All other channels have been blocked. The texts read that he is “Madly in Love with me.” I did not respond. Hooray. I feel like the group Cake doing that old Gloria Gaynor tune: ” … just turn around now … you’re not welcome anymore …” I just ignored them.
WRT my therapist/counselor I have gone back to him yes. We discussed why I felt he was on BH’s side, and I think it was miscommunication. There was a lot I had not told him about the BH. So I read him my never-to-send letter to the BH which is still in my journal and now will burn it again. This Counselor treats me for acute PTSD symptoms and quite honestly, when these flare (which they did Monday), it’s dangerous for me not to have him on hand. So I am going to stick there for a while, he is kind and gentle with me. I found the session upsetting, as reading a litter to my ex- probably should be, but useful.
I’ve stopped the splitting. Reading the letter again helped me with that. All the abandonment issues are there in black and white and in our final discussion the ex- agreed with me. What’s left to discuss? Again, if he came to me in person and explained to me that he was changing, and that if he ever abandoned me again, we would separate forever … I don’t think I could stop from going back. But I realize that reality is somewhere in fairyland. As evidenced by the texts he’s still out in the bars way passed midnight on a weeknight when he should be looking for a job, texting me because he is horny and lonely and wants to have fun with me and crawl in my bed. Of course that would be fun, but that’s not love. The next day he’ll be gone. I know him like a book. So I’m not returning that text. If he shows up at the door. Different story.
Anyway, I’m going to be treating myself really well today. Swimming this morning at the gym, and off to do some hiking with my hiking buddy if the weather improves. Then acting classes tonight. In between I’m going to take myself out to dinner or lunch to celebrate. Got a haircut yesterday and went to the gym so I look sharp, and have been buying a few pieces of inexpensive new clothing, getting the dry cleaning done, in general … taking care of *me* and worrying about ***number one*** rather than rolling around in the stuff of the past.
That’s it! Thanks for coming to my 9 weeks no contact party!
-IL
Susan and everyone here. I find this site enlightening and empowering. I come back here every time I’m having a weak moment and im always grateful I have. My story is as many here. After a 20 year marriage I started dating. My first relationship after the marriage lasted 8 months. Some of it was awesome, but lots of it sucked. After breaking up (I got only a txt message on my birthday) we kept in touch. I tried not to, he kept on texting. I finally blocked him after realizing I was feeling crapier and crapier every time he texted. I started feeling so much better and then he emailed me at work. At first I felt crappy again….but then I got angry. I didn’t respond and started feeling so much better and very quickly. Life is definitely moving forward. He just emailed again a few days ago and again I’m not responding. I do feel like telling him to stop especially because he is disrespecting the woman he is with now…but not my responsibility. I feel sorry for her now. But I’m happy i don’t feel sorry for me anymore!
Thank you for being here!! Nc all the way!
Well if you guys can wait a year, the dating and relationship book will be out by then.