My first post-divorce boyfriend wrote me a letter once. I was so thrilled because even though we hadn’t spoken in weeks and I couldn’t figure out why we were not speaking, here he was in paper and ink. He never bothered to tell me why we weren’t speaking…he just disappeared, but now, NOW he had written me a letter and all was right with the world!!! I felt like singing the Blues Clues “mail song” even though it hadn’t been invented yet. but I was SO HAPPY he had written me a letter. It said something like, “Don’t give up. Take things one day at a time. Some day we’ll be together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
I ran to my therapist with this letter as proof that he really did love me. I was just months out of a horrible relationship but true love had come!!!! Wasn’t that special?
She read the letter and looked at my excited face. She tossed the letter on the table and said in a droll voice, “How original.”
The sound of my bubble bursting could be heard, I was sure, from several states away.
WHY WAS SHE SO CRUEL??? I hated her with every fiber of my being. How could she DO THIS TO ME????
My last relationship didn’t even ACKNOWLEDGE me, let alone take the time to a write a letter, albeit a short letter. Why wasn’t this good enough?
She said if I wanted it to be “good enough” it would be, but if I wanted to be with a man who loved me, really loved me, this was not good enough.
Just better than the last relationship is not good enough. Only consistent unconditional love is good enough.
If you put up with anything less, that is what you will get. It takes a while to learn to be loved like nobody’s business, but it starts by not putting up with what you don’t want. Yes, this is nice but it’s not nice enough…it’s not what I want or deserve.
Don’t say, “Well no one is perfect…” to excuse bad behavior or “Doesn’t every relationship have problems?” to excuse problems that NO, not every relationship has nor should it. STOP RATIONALIZING AND JUSTIFYING AND START INSISTING ON THE VERY BEST TREATMENT.
I walked out on a lot of “good enough” relationships that were not good enough for me. My friends sometimes thought I was nuts but I wanted someone who adored me. Some said my standards were too high. Others said it didn’t exist.
That was fine. I also decided that I would rather be alone than settle for less. I WAS NOT SETTLING for “good enough.” I wanted the best or none at all…and I held out and that is what I eventually found (after kissing a lot of TOADS, but still….I found it.)
DON’T lower your standards to fit what you have.
Change what you have to fit your standards and keep reaching for the sky.
And don’t settle for anything less.