I have deposits and paid-in-full for 10 people since Monday so 10 slots are left. I’ll try to keep it updated.
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Follow us on Twitter @susanjae (my tweets can be quotes, humor, baseball, miscellaneous fun stuff, but also turned political a couple of years ago due to relentless assault on women’s rights by one party and attacks on the Affordable Care Act which we desperately need, so I can get my liberal panties in a bunch sometimes so please be beware of that.)
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In her seminal work, Our Inner Conflicts, Karen Horney said that behind the fear of change is often the fear of changing for the worst or the fear of being unable to change at all. What if I try to change and no one likes the new me? What if I try to change and find that I can’t?
Often the fear of “what I’m going to change into” and the unknown “new me” is more frightening than staying in the comfort and misery of what is known. Another fear is that change is not possible. [Read more...]
In unhealthy relationships, what we are fighting about is never really what we’re fighting about. That argument over which way the toilet paper hangs is probably more about a “meta” issue: power, balance, control and unresolved issues with others in our lives (usually our early caretakers).
In order to break the “let’s fight about everything and nothing” mode, it’s important to choose your battles…to ask how important is this? is this what I’m really fighting about? and to figure out what this particular battle reminds you of (some un-won battle in childhood/adolescence?). Start to step back and see what you’re fighting about and when and then decide: Is this really worth it? Do I really care about this?
Sometimes when we step back the other person “ups the ante.” After all, they have a stake in the ridiculous fight as well and haven’t made a commitment to changing anything. You may well be drawn back into it because the other person has figured out how to “hook” you back in.
It takes practice but watch for the hooks and remain committed to not fighting about stupid things.
Journal about your feelings when you’re not fighting…what is coming up for you? Probably a lot of discomfort.
Let that be okay.
Write about it and you may discover what all this “nothing” is really all about.
Susan J. Elliott 11/06
First posted 11/29/06
“Identity is the antidote for enmeshment.” – Terry Kellogg
I read this quote a long time ago when I was overly enmeshed with an unhealthy, abusive person and had no identity of my own. [Read more...]
If you signed up and are paid in full for the June retreat, you are automatically eligible for this one, paid in full. Just let me know (as 3 of you have already) and I will adjust the number of spots available.
So far 5 people have signed up so there are 15 spaces left. You can leave a deposit if you do not have the $$ now (I realize it’s a week before Christmas but I wanted to get this out in case you have someone who doesn’t know what to get you, they can get a $x gift certificate from me – it can be less than $150 but your place is not secure until I have the full deposit and will refund the gift certificates if you don’t get the deposit in before it books up!)
There is a site called “Gotobus.com” and it lists all different buses and the fares to VA. It is a 7 hour bus ride for about $45. It leaves NYC at 9 and gets to Virginia at 4. Thursday (day before the retreat) is already sold out so if you’re going, please check the destination for Founders Inn and make sure you have the right one (Virginia Beach v. Norfolk) and get your tickets soon!!! Another GIFT idea as well if you want to ask for a bus ticket to the Retreat. Reminder if you want a relative or friend to give a gift certificate for Christmas, please have them email me directly!!!!
Posted on 11/29/06
I get more email and questions in class about boundaries than just about any thing else. So I will try to post about boundaries every few weeks….but send any questions to me and I’ll answer them.Boundaries simply say, “I begin and end one place and you begin and end another place.”