Susan has one of the greatest physical descriptions of break-up aftermath…..upon waking you feel “pinned to the bed”. Also, one of her favorite sayings is “Be good to you”, but after someone leaves it is so hard to take care of ourselves when it’s the number one thing we need to be doing. If it’s hard to even get out of bed, then it’s certainly even harder imagining yourself mustering up the strength and courage to exercise. But if it is possible for you to hear me and not just listen, then the next piece of scientific information can change the way you view exercise during your recovery period.
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Guest Post by jprush: Bullet in Your Breakup Arsenal
September 12, 2011 By 4 Comments
Cyber Cheating / Spying
September 2, 2011 By 7 Comments
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. – George MacDonald
I wrote about this in comments today and then went looking for this post. As you’ll see, I repeat a lot of what is here in comments. I’m apparently a broken record.
This is a long post but it’s a complicated issue and this post addresses people in new relationships, longer relationships and choosing appropriate partners. That’s a lot of material…so read the part that pertains to you…
If you’re involved in spying or trying to figure out, it wears you down. You get so focused on someone else that you don’t even look up to see what is happening to YOUR life. Forget the person you’re spying on…what is happening to you?
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Mail. We Get Mail on Friendship.
August 13, 2011 By 1 Comment
This letter was received and answered over 2 years ago, but someone requested a repost and I think this is the one because it actually incorporates several posts that were written before this one. Warning: the answer is long. [Read more...]
Mail. We Get Mail That Says “Thank You”
August 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment
A Million “Thankyou”s.
Finding your book has saved my life. For the last two years, after my ex-boyfriend went into rehab and joyfully took up the Steps and has applied them happily to his now healthy happy life, I have been struggling as to what “Recovery” was all about.
It took him finishing with me and putting into place NC, that I finally was able to search for anything to help me. I have never understood what I’m meant to be doing in my Al-Anon meetings. I didn’t get it. But I got HIS programme…I think you are beginning to get the picture…I understood everything about him…
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Guest Blog: Resignation by A Lighter Spirit
August 7, 2011 By 1 Comment
This is a repost from the old blog. And it certainly warrants a repost!
I really like this blog post. I don’t think I need to answer it in too much depth as it’s terrific by itself!
My first therapist told me that running the universe was a thankless job and I was overworked and underpaid. Resigning that position was my first step toward freedom.
I was also recycling like a crazy person when I wrote my own letter of resignation, to step away from the codependent triggers…to stop giving a damn about so many who were so impossible to love or to please, and eventually, to be around. It does give you a feeling of worth for a while, to think that you have purpose and meaning but a waste is a terrible thing to mind. Getting all your self-worth from worthless projects is no way to live. It’s the equivalent of fat, drunk and stupid. (no way to go through life boy!). It’s terrific that you are resigning that role as there is no utility in it and no matter how much you think you get from it, it’s actually taking much more away.
The only answer, as you get to here, is to take care of yourself and not everyone else. To be good to you and give to YOU all that you deserve.
so thank you for this.
I want you to print out your letter and carry it with you, stick it on the refrigerator, the bathroom mirror etc to remind you that you are resigned from this position!!! Be good to you! And that’s an order! 
Blog readers: Enjoy!
Guest Blogger: How Far I’ve Come
July 28, 2011 By
Repost from the old blog: our very first guest blog!
I think this is a positive “how far I’ve come” post that I really liked when I first read it. Welcome GPYP’s first guest blogger: Jenny. Many of you know her from her and from the email group. WTG Jenny!!!
Guest Post by Catfrogs
December 28, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Fantastic blog…thank you Catfrogs!
It has taken 36 years for me to learn to give to myself. Four months ago, I made a choice to take care of myself and not attend my sister’s wedding — a choice I initially agonized over and over. We’ve never been close and I have given and given and rarely seen return. I’ve always wanted to be accepted by my family and bent over backwards. I’ve repeated this behaviour in relationships where there is an incredible imbalance between us — me giving and giving and my lover taking and taking. This time, I chose to work a music event instead of pony up the money to attend a wedding that would have been very painful for me, not meant much of anything to her and dragged me deeper into debt. In doing something that was good for me, I met my Michael.
Let me back up.
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Guest Blog by Greenroses: Relating in New Ways
November 5, 2008 By Leave a Comment
“Relating in new ways”
In the past days, I had a few important moments, maybe „D-BOM-moments“.
This time of „real“ NC is so valuable to me (since over 3 weeks) and having my parents around for a longer visit, together with some triggering events, have been a source of growth to me, and I would like to share this with all of you.
I feel that there is a change in the way I relate to people, most dramatically marked by the way I relate to my parents. I am also inspired by Kathy’s Guest Blog, although my take or position (and story) is a different one, but I hope it can still be of help or insightful to you.
I do have a good relationship with my parents, particularly with my dad. In the past, I have regularly had some pretty fiery fights with my mom, rarely with him though. He is a bit of a „peacemaker“ in the family, and my fights with my mom could be pretty tough, very impulsive and full of the „blame game“. I felt very criticized by her often, and my past relationship – to me – mirrors a lot of this mutual impulsivity and the fiery and dramatic game. Still, I would eventually „make up“ with my mom and generally feel nurtured in her presence, too.
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Guest Blog from Kathy: Choosing Happy
November 1, 2008 By Leave a Comment
Here is a wonderful guest blog from Kathy. Thank you Kathy!
CHOOSING HAPPY
I realized the other day that somewhere along the way, I’ve grown accustomed to the quiet happiness of my life. It’s like wearing my favorite, worn-out Levi’s.
I was spending a lot of time, after seeing my parents at the celebration of my marriage back in early August, trying to figure out which one had the personality disorder, or if they each had one. I have my guesses, but I just don’t know for sure. And I probably never will. I’m not a shrink and I don’t want to be. Since neither of them thinks they have a problem (it’s the other one with the problem, of course) or is remotely interested in seeking professional intervention, I say again: It just doesn’t matter.
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Guest Blog by Smiling Angel
October 20, 2008 By Leave a Comment
Thank you Smiling Angel!!!
Recognizing Something in a Partner Can Be the Catalyst for Our Own Empowering Change
In another post, someone posted this simple, yet very thought-provoking question:
“If i can see these things in them, the dysfunction … does that mean they are in me too? If we can see something like goodness and worth in someone because we too have that, is the opposite also true? So all these thing i can see in my ex, now that i look closer, are they then also in me?”
And though I didn’t come to this conclusion for myself easily, I am very grateful to say that in my very humble opinion, yes, I believe that whatever we recognize in others exists within ourselves – though what exists in us may NOT necessarily be the EXACT SAME SHADE of what we saw in the other person.
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