Comments for Getting Past Your Breakup http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:19:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by Lily http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8036 Lily Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:19:58 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8036 I am working through some exercises about recognizing negative thought patterns and conditioning. Here is an example....... I hear a truck drive by. I say to myself"that might be BH, without me, ignoring me, on his way to do and see what ever without me, I feel so sad and lonely , and ...............you are just an old spinster who is not lovable...." (sound effect of slamming on the breaks here) Do you know how may times I hear a truck go by? How did I get that loop in my head?????? I left him !!!! I was unhappy ...do I want to continue to be unhappy???????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo So its up to me to rewire this programming. When I hear a truck go by I affirm I am lovable.I know I deserve to be happy. I take responsibility for my happiness. .I am completely alone and happy. I am so glad he is driving by without me because he is toxic to my well being. I will roll up my sleeves and do this....Maintaining my unhappiness is not the goal here!!!!!!!!!!!! I am working through some exercises about recognizing negative thought patterns and conditioning.
Here is an example…….
I hear a truck drive by. I say to myself”that might be BH, without me, ignoring me, on his way to do and see what ever without me, I feel so sad and lonely , and ……………you are just an old spinster who is not lovable….”

(sound effect of slamming on the breaks here)

Do you know how may times I hear a truck go by?

How did I get that loop in my head?????? I left him !!!! I was unhappy …do I want to continue to be unhappy???????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

So its up to me to rewire this programming. When I hear a truck go by I affirm I am lovable.I know I deserve to be happy. I take responsibility for my happiness. .I am completely alone and happy. I am so glad he is driving by without me because he is toxic to my well being.

I will roll up my sleeves and do this….Maintaining my unhappiness is not the goal here!!!!!!!!!!!!

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by Phoenix http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8035 Phoenix Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:16:25 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8035 Beautifully written and so inspiring!!! Thank you for letting us, who are on a different stage of the recovery process, know of your success! I see glimpses of that realization more and more. I have more work to be done, but I am the little engine that could. It is hard in the beginning, but I know that this will come together. Thank you!! Beautifully written and so inspiring!!! Thank you for letting us, who are on a different stage of the recovery process, know of your success! I see glimpses of that realization more and more. I have more work to be done, but I am the little engine that could. It is hard in the beginning, but I know that this will come together. Thank you!!

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by Maidenvoyager http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8034 Maidenvoyager Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:06:00 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8034 Yuma -- I certainly can relate to everything that you said. It's depression. It's the pain of the breakup (in addition to Susan's book, I found the book the Journey from Abandonment to Healing to be very useful). The only thing I can offer is that you're doing all the right things. You may feel better tomorrow, or you may feel better in a few months. You'll probably cycle through feeling better and not feeling better until there's more good times than bad. Remember that a lot of this is physiological, happening in your body as well as your mind. It is real. Hang in there. I know it may be hard for you to believe this now, but it will get better (so they tell me). Yuma — I certainly can relate to everything that you said. It’s depression. It’s the pain of the breakup (in addition to Susan’s book, I found the book the Journey from Abandonment to Healing to be very useful). The only thing I can offer is that you’re doing all the right things. You may feel better tomorrow, or you may feel better in a few months. You’ll probably cycle through feeling better and not feeling better until there’s more good times than bad.

Remember that a lot of this is physiological, happening in your body as well as your mind. It is real.

Hang in there. I know it may be hard for you to believe this now, but it will get better (so they tell me).

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by Maidenvoyager http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8033 Maidenvoyager Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:27:25 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8033 All of your responses are bringing tears, they are so caring and helpful. I'll print them out and look at them every day. Thanks so much to everyone and to Susan for this site. (meant this at the end of all the comments) All of your responses are bringing tears, they are so caring and helpful. I’ll print them out and look at them every day. Thanks so much to everyone and to Susan for this site.

(meant this at the end of all the comments)

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by fightback http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8032 fightback Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:12:55 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8032 Hi Cub, I could not have worded that better myself. I have been that person, the one waiting on pins and needles wondering when the person who couldn't get enough of me just days before will call after just disappearing like a fart in the wind. My ex began engaging in that behavior a few months into our relationship. There were other red flags before that but his disappearing act and sudden indifference were the big ones. I remember thinking "this can't be what it looks like...he's not like the others...something must have happened". I had a whole arsenal of excuses ready to explain away the odd behavior that would later devolve into abusive behavior. His sudden dismissal of me was just a sample of things to come. When you mentioned being with someone who asks how your day was or says that they're thinking of you it really resonated with me. I also do not need attention 24/7 but my ex never asked me about those things. In fact, it was like he couldn't have cared less about what was going on in my life. I often felt like I was just there as a patch for his loneliness or a fill-in until someone better came along. I've finally realized that I deserved better than to waste my time with someone who only wanted to be with me when it suited him. I went through the narcissistic cycle of idealize, devalue, and discard with him too many times. When I was in the "devalue" cycle, I was treated as if I was asking for too much to try to get any kind of contact with him. I would try just being easy going and approachable or happy-go-lucky to try to make him feel more at ease. His stand-offishness and outright hostility, which often came without warning , always made me feel like it was something I did or didn't do that caused it. I reasoned it MUST have been me because we'd get around other people and he'd act just fine around them. I see now that he's just a narcissistic prick who used silence and indifference as a way of manipulating me. You're smart, Cub, for deleting that person who would stand you up on your date and seeing that behavior for what it is. I'm convinced that there are a lot more people like my ex than I would like to believe. I think for me, the biggest challenge is going to be knowing the difference between a knee-jerk reaction to a behavior that seems odd and a thought-out one based on my actual boundaries. Hi Cub,

I could not have worded that better myself. I have been that person, the one waiting on pins and needles wondering when the person who couldn’t get enough of me just days before will call after just disappearing like a fart in the wind. My ex began engaging in that behavior a few months into our relationship. There were other red flags before that but his disappearing act and sudden indifference were the big ones.

I remember thinking “this can’t be what it looks like…he’s not like the others…something must have happened”. I had a whole arsenal of excuses ready to explain away the odd behavior that would later devolve into abusive behavior. His sudden dismissal of me was just a sample of things to come.

When you mentioned being with someone who asks how your day was or says that they’re thinking of you it really resonated with me. I also do not need attention 24/7 but my ex never asked me about those things. In fact, it was like he couldn’t have cared less about what was going on in my life. I often felt like I was just there as a patch for his loneliness or a fill-in until someone better came along.

I’ve finally realized that I deserved better than to waste my time with someone who only wanted to be with me when it suited him. I went through the narcissistic cycle of idealize, devalue, and discard with him too many times. When I was in the “devalue” cycle, I was treated as if I was asking for too much to try to get any kind of contact with him. I would try just being easy going and approachable or happy-go-lucky to try to make him feel more at ease. His stand-offishness and outright hostility, which often came without warning , always made me feel like it was something I did or didn’t do that caused it. I reasoned it MUST have been me because we’d get around other people and he’d act just fine around them.

I see now that he’s just a narcissistic prick who used silence and indifference as a way of manipulating me. You’re smart, Cub, for deleting that person who would stand you up on your date and seeing that behavior for what it is. I’m convinced that there are a lot more people like my ex than I would like to believe. I think for me, the biggest challenge is going to be knowing the difference between a knee-jerk reaction to a behavior that seems odd and a thought-out one based on my actual boundaries.

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by Yuma33 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8031 Yuma33 Wed, 22 Feb 2012 16:52:03 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8031 Today is not a good day. I feel myself slipping into depression and I have come to the realization that this is something that I have been battling for majority of my life. I am currently seeing a counselor through my church and she has helped me a lot in terms of looking at things from a different perspective. I feel very hopeless and alone and angry that since the break up with my ex that I haven't been able to move on with my life fully. I am very wary of talking to friends because I feel as though they say that they care but what they really want to do is gossip behind my back. I am really trying to stay on the path to heal myself by reading positive books and to surround myself with positive people. My counselor told me that not everyone is empathetic nor sympathetic to people and their problems and at times we need to take a step back and realize we have to take the handle on helping ourselves. I am so very tired of feeling like this. Its like a numbing feeling that just wouldn't go away. People tell you to be grateful for all you have and to show gratitude but how can you when you feel hopeless? How can you when you feel as though no one is there is support you and you feel so alone 95% of the time? what is one to do? There is only so much exercising and trying to keep busy until these emotions come tumbling around you like a ton of bricks. I am sorry if I sound as though I am venting, but I am so tired of feeling this way and no matter what I do, nothing seems to help me. After I finish work today, I am going to take a drink at my favorite local bar to just relax and refocus a bit. Yuma Today is not a good day. I feel myself slipping into depression and I have come to the realization that this is something that I have been battling for majority of my life. I am currently seeing a counselor through my church and she has helped me a lot in terms of looking at things from a different perspective. I feel very hopeless and alone and angry that since the break up with my ex that I haven’t been able to move on with my life fully. I am very wary of talking to friends because I feel as though they say that they care but what they really want to do is gossip behind my back.
I am really trying to stay on the path to heal myself by reading positive books and to surround myself with positive people. My counselor told me that not everyone is empathetic nor sympathetic to people and their problems and at times we need to take a step back and realize we have to take the handle on helping ourselves.
I am so very tired of feeling like this. Its like a numbing feeling that just wouldn’t go away. People tell you to be grateful for all you have and to show gratitude but how can you when you feel hopeless? How can you when you feel as though no one is there is support you and you feel so alone 95% of the time? what is one to do? There is only so much exercising and trying to keep busy until these emotions come tumbling around you like a ton of bricks. I am sorry if I sound as though I am venting, but I am so tired of feeling this way and no matter what I do, nothing seems to help me. After I finish work today, I am going to take a drink at my favorite local bar to just relax and refocus a bit.

Yuma

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by kirstyblue13 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8030 kirstyblue13 Wed, 22 Feb 2012 16:22:37 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8030 Hi guys, just thought I would share something I wrote for my blog today, it's been 8 months since my break up and I'm kind of having a mini celebration about how far I've come. Everyone who is going through a terrible break up right now, remember I was you, 8 months ago I lost 15 lbs because I couldn't eat or sleep. I could not function. I never thought I would get over the guy I claimed was the love of my life. This is about my move to London and the progress I've made since: "It’s amazing what facing your fears can do and what you feel you can accomplish after that. When I arrived here, I felt I needed every little bit of luck I could get to get through my newest adventure. I even became superstitious and bought a ring from Etsy that had a stone that was supposed to diminish fears. It is a simple silver band with a small green aventurine stone. I was so fearful of life, that I needed a stone that was supposed to eradicate fears. I didn’t feel that I could do it on my own. I was so stricken with fear that I needed superstition to push me forward. Now I wear that ring daily to remind myself of what I can accomplish. I’ve only been here for a month and a half and already I feel different. I have realized that I need to push myself a little, force myself to do what I’m afraid of and I can actually do anything. Now, what did I mention I was afraid of before I arrived here? I was afraid of navigating through London all by myself. I was afraid of supply teaching. I was afraid of being alone. These fears were the largest and I sat up at night worrying about silly things. You name it, I was scared of it. It is natural to be scared of change but I am the type that usually takes stress a little too far. But something happened here, I don’t know if it was the months of growing that I did at home, sitting in the void, healing from my break up but I’m somehow different and I can’t quite place where I’ve changed exactly. I’ve learned to force myself to try new things. I’m scared of navigating my way to a place? Go there anyway. I’m scared of teaching at a new school? Do it. I’m lonely? Go out, keep busy and deal with it. Either that ring is really working (ha ha) or I’ve learned to face fears as they come, I am walking through my wall of fears. In such a short time, I have created a life for myself by enjoying the simple moments. I stand at the rail station and look at the rooftops of old buildings, amazed by the simple beauty that probably no English citizen would appreciate. I sit on the train, enjoying my newfound independence and strength, watching houses whiz by and lazy cats stretching on tops of fences. I smell that old stale smell that London has as I walk to a new school for supply work. I listen to the conversations of English high school girls and think, “Wow, I’m really doing it.” I have learned to appreciate the small things, the small steps I have taken to get here and appreciate every moment, even the bad. I am completely alone and happy. I am thrilled to say I am completely over my break up and have been for months. If you are going through a break up, you will soon be healed too. However, only if you do the work to make yourself a happy, healthy and whole person. I go to museums alone, I go shopping alone, I go on walks alone and I am perfectly happy because I have learned to enjoy the simple things. I have expanded my group of friends and am so happy with each person I have met here. I have been surrounded by nothing but pure kindness from others. I know I talk about my break up a lot. I am terribly sorry and know you probably don’t want to hear it but it was such an influential turning point in my life that I can’t help but share. It inspired me to make the most out of life and realize that I can only rely on myself for my own happiness. Of course, one day I would like to share a life with someone (possibly a sassy English man?) but right now I am happy here, in this moment. I often read a blog called, “Getting Past Your Breakup: How to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to you” and it is run by a therapist/author/ lawyer named Susan J. Elliott. I have her book too and on her blog she interacts with her readers in such an honest, beautifully inspiring way. Her blog is not only about break ups but simple life coaching that apparently I missed out on while growing up. It may seem silly but she has greatly inspired me. Her catchphrase, “How to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that has ever happened to you” has truly inspired me every single day since my breakup. It has been my will power and the drive I needed to keep going daily. I kept thinking, “How will I turn what I perceive as the worst thing that has ever happened to me into the best thing?” I sat with that for some time in my grief, becoming comfortable with the fact that everything I had ever known was gone and it was time to build something beautiful, all by myself. I’m writing this post and getting this personal because today it hit me and I realized, “Wow, I can finally say that my devastating loss was honestly the BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.” I don’t say this with vengeance, spite or in hopes that my ex will read this. I say it because I have achieved a kind of personal growth in the past year that I have never achieved in my entire life. I am doing things I never thought I could do, no matter how small they may seem to you. I am living the dream of the thirteen year old girl that I used to be. I’m living in a tiny flat, in London, England and that is huge to me. There is no enormous change in my personality, just a desire to look at everything that happens to me positively and as a challenge for myself. There has been a quiet change in me that has taken my stubborn, stressed out self and created an inner calmness. I am who I want to be right now. I am where I want to be. I might be saying this because since I arrived in London, it feels as though my life has perfectly fallen into place. Random friends popped up in different places, schools have been good (knock on wood) and I love my surroundings. I have learned to appreciate every little thing that has come my way and have learned to express my gratitude daily. I am so proud of myself today because I can say that I turned a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to me. I am a different person, I am happy with who I am, I am more confident, I am okay alone and I love where I am in life. I wish that someone had told me as he broke up with me in the car that night that I had better things on the horizon and even though that moment changed my life forever, it was for the best. I wish someone had whispered all that in my ear that night and assured me I would be okay. Yet that is the power of positive thinking isn’t it? I learned to be okay, better than okay all by myself. I turned a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to me and I am so proud of that. Now my Etsy ring isn’t worn to diminish fears, it is a reminder that I can face them all on my own." Hi guys, just thought I would share something I wrote for my blog today, it’s been 8 months since my break up and I’m kind of having a mini celebration about how far I’ve come. Everyone who is going through a terrible break up right now, remember I was you, 8 months ago I lost 15 lbs because I couldn’t eat or sleep. I could not function. I never thought I would get over the guy I claimed was the love of my life. This is about my move to London and the progress I’ve made since:

“It’s amazing what facing your fears can do and what you feel you can accomplish after that. When I arrived here, I felt I needed every little bit of luck I could get to get through my newest adventure. I even became superstitious and bought a ring from Etsy that had a stone that was supposed to diminish fears. It is a simple silver band with a small green aventurine stone. I was so fearful of life, that I needed a stone that was supposed to eradicate fears. I didn’t feel that I could do it on my own. I was so stricken with fear that I needed superstition to push me forward.

Now I wear that ring daily to remind myself of what I can accomplish.

I’ve only been here for a month and a half and already I feel different. I have realized that I need to push myself a little, force myself to do what I’m afraid of and I can actually do anything. Now, what did I mention I was afraid of before I arrived here?

I was afraid of navigating through London all by myself.

I was afraid of supply teaching.

I was afraid of being alone.

These fears were the largest and I sat up at night worrying about silly things. You name it, I was scared of it. It is natural to be scared of change but I am the type that usually takes stress a little too far. But something happened here, I don’t know if it was the months of growing that I did at home, sitting in the void, healing from my break up but I’m somehow different and I can’t quite place where I’ve changed exactly.

I’ve learned to force myself to try new things. I’m scared of navigating my way to a place? Go there anyway. I’m scared of teaching at a new school? Do it. I’m lonely? Go out, keep busy and deal with it. Either that ring is really working (ha ha) or I’ve learned to face fears as they come, I am walking through my wall of fears. In such a short time, I have created a life for myself by enjoying the simple moments.

I stand at the rail station and look at the rooftops of old buildings, amazed by the simple beauty that probably no English citizen would appreciate. I sit on the train, enjoying my newfound independence and strength, watching houses whiz by and lazy cats stretching on tops of fences. I smell that old stale smell that London has as I walk to a new school for supply work. I listen to the conversations of English high school girls and think, “Wow, I’m really doing it.” I have learned to appreciate the small things, the small steps I have taken to get here and appreciate every moment, even the bad.

I am completely alone and happy.

I am thrilled to say I am completely over my break up and have been for months. If you are going through a break up, you will soon be healed too. However, only if you do the work to make yourself a happy, healthy and whole person. I go to museums alone, I go shopping alone, I go on walks alone and I am perfectly happy because I have learned to enjoy the simple things. I have expanded my group of friends and am so happy with each person I have met here. I have been surrounded by nothing but pure kindness from others.

I know I talk about my break up a lot. I am terribly sorry and know you probably don’t want to hear it but it was such an influential turning point in my life that I can’t help but share. It inspired me to make the most out of life and realize that I can only rely on myself for my own happiness. Of course, one day I would like to share a life with someone (possibly a sassy English man?) but right now I am happy here, in this moment.

I often read a blog called, “Getting Past Your Breakup: How to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to you” and it is run by a therapist/author/ lawyer named Susan J. Elliott. I have her book too and on her blog she interacts with her readers in such an honest, beautifully inspiring way. Her blog is not only about break ups but simple life coaching that apparently I missed out on while growing up. It may seem silly but she has greatly inspired me. Her catchphrase, “How to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that has ever happened to you” has truly inspired me every single day since my breakup. It has been my will power and the drive I needed to keep going daily. I kept thinking, “How will I turn what I perceive as the worst thing that has ever happened to me into the best thing?” I sat with that for some time in my grief, becoming comfortable with the fact that everything I had ever known was gone and it was time to build something beautiful, all by myself.

I’m writing this post and getting this personal because today it hit me and I realized, “Wow, I can finally say that my devastating loss was honestly the BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.” I don’t say this with vengeance, spite or in hopes that my ex will read this. I say it because I have achieved a kind of personal growth in the past year that I have never achieved in my entire life. I am doing things I never thought I could do, no matter how small they may seem to you. I am living the dream of the thirteen year old girl that I used to be. I’m living in a tiny flat, in London, England and that is huge to me.

There is no enormous change in my personality, just a desire to look at everything that happens to me positively and as a challenge for myself. There has been a quiet change in me that has taken my stubborn, stressed out self and created an inner calmness. I am who I want to be right now. I am where I want to be. I might be saying this because since I arrived in London, it feels as though my life has perfectly fallen into place. Random friends popped up in different places, schools have been good (knock on wood) and I love my surroundings. I have learned to appreciate every little thing that has come my way and have learned to express my gratitude daily.

I am so proud of myself today because I can say that I turned a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to me. I am a different person, I am happy with who I am, I am more confident, I am okay alone and I love where I am in life. I wish that someone had told me as he broke up with me in the car that night that I had better things on the horizon and even though that moment changed my life forever, it was for the best. I wish someone had whispered all that in my ear that night and assured me I would be okay. Yet that is the power of positive thinking isn’t it? I learned to be okay, better than okay all by myself. I turned a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to me and I am so proud of that. Now my Etsy ring isn’t worn to diminish fears, it is a reminder that I can face them all on my own.”

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by Phoenix http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8029 Phoenix Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:49:10 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8029 I woke up this morning, and I was giving myself a kick in the pants for letting BH be in my head more than I would like. I want him evicted from my head. Then I found something in a drawer that brought up a lot of bad stuff which I could easily go off on in a post of justifications for him being a BH. Then I stopped. Nope, I am not entering into this cycle again. There is a song by En Vogue, which is about prejudice, but the words in the song, "Free your mind and the rest will follow..." seem apt. So, today, I had a turning point and a moment of clarity. I need to free my mind from BH even more than I have. In that vein, as it is Ash Wednesday, my friend texted me what I was giving up. Well, I am giving up the crazy roller coaster after more than 3 weeks with NC (yeah!!!), but I am of the mind to take something on. Every day, I will write an addition to a couple of pages I have marked. One will be to add a new affirmation. One will be to write a new good thing about me. One will be a blessing or addition to my gratitude list. I want to take on positivity and work on changing my thinking from the recycling of the "BH drama stories/OMG he did that?/I am so justified for being without him" to feeling better about me and my life. I think the recycling stories have been helpful to maintaining NC. I will go back to them in those moments when I want to go out of reality and into fantasyland as well as when I do my work in the upcoming bootcamp. But I really need to change three things which I have been lacking in my work thus far- a focus on me and how I am all that. POSIVITITY. Sending my virtual friends hugs! Thanks for your support. I woke up this morning, and I was giving myself a kick in the pants for letting BH be in my head more than I would like. I want him evicted from my head. Then I found something in a drawer that brought up a lot of bad stuff which I could easily go off on in a post of justifications for him being a BH.

Then I stopped. Nope, I am not entering into this cycle again. There is a song by En Vogue, which is about prejudice, but the words in the song, “Free your mind and the rest will follow…” seem apt. So, today, I had a turning point and a moment of clarity. I need to free my mind from BH even more than I have.

In that vein, as it is Ash Wednesday, my friend texted me what I was giving up. Well, I am giving up the crazy roller coaster after more than 3 weeks with NC (yeah!!!), but I am of the mind to take something on. Every day, I will write an addition to a couple of pages I have marked. One will be to add a new affirmation. One will be to write a new good thing about me. One will be a blessing or addition to my gratitude list. I want to take on positivity and work on changing my thinking from the recycling of the “BH drama stories/OMG he did that?/I am so justified for being without him” to feeling better about me and my life. I think the recycling stories have been helpful to maintaining NC. I will go back to them in those moments when I want to go out of reality and into fantasyland as well as when I do my work in the upcoming bootcamp.

But I really need to change three things which I have been lacking in my work thus far- a focus on me and how I am all that. POSIVITITY.

Sending my virtual friends hugs! Thanks for your support.

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by rocketman http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8028 rocketman Wed, 22 Feb 2012 14:35:36 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8028 Thanks to all of you for your straight to the point words. I think it's time I faced reality. This has been good for me to hear albeit painful to acknowledge. I'll be back for more advice I'm sure. Thanks to all of you for your straight to the point words. I think it’s time I faced reality. This has been good for me to hear albeit painful to acknowledge. I’ll be back for more advice I’m sure.

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]]> Comment on 2/19 Check-in Thread by klandsb http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/02/check-in-thread/#comment-8027 klandsb Wed, 22 Feb 2012 14:16:16 +0000 http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/?p=10518#comment-8027 Susan.... I think this break up as hard as its been on me has been an eye opener also. I have learned that by me accepting bad behavior and ignoring red flags that I infact as hard as it is to admit brought some of this pain & heartache onto myself. I will not take responsibility for his cheating & lying and non commitment issues but I realized if I had walked away a long time ago when I saw the red flags & when I realzied he could not give me what I wanted I would have not subjected myself to this hurt & pain. I know my low self esteem and abandonment issues made me push aside the sub consious feelings that something was not right & someday my heart would be torn out & I would be replaced. I realize that he is not worthy of me nor my love but I did in fact bring some of this on to myself... I need to work on myself , my self esteem , my abandonment issues before I can ever get the relationship I want...... You only get what u put up with is right..I put up with way to much and paid the price in the end..... Thanks for all u do for us here :) I know you have been struggling with health issues and your own losses.... Sending prayers your way.. Susan…. I think this break up as hard as its been on me has been an eye opener also. I have learned that by me accepting bad behavior and ignoring red flags that I infact as hard as it is to admit brought some of this pain & heartache onto myself. I will not take responsibility for his cheating & lying and non commitment issues but I realized if I had walked away a long time ago when I saw the red flags & when I realzied he could not give me what I wanted I would have not subjected myself to this hurt & pain. I know my low self esteem and abandonment issues made me push aside the sub consious feelings that something was not right & someday my heart would be torn out & I would be replaced. I realize that he is not worthy of me nor my love but I did in fact bring some of this on to myself… I need to work on myself , my self esteem , my abandonment issues before I can ever get the relationship I want…… You only get what u put up with is right..I put up with way to much and paid the price in the end….. Thanks for all u do for us here :) I know you have been struggling with health issues and your own losses…. Sending prayers your way..

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