Do you have questions about starting to date after a big breakup?
Do you wish you had someone to guide you through the steps?
Do you wonder if you’re ready and what you’re going to find out there?
Do you ever wish you had a “dating coach” or someone who really knows what healthy dating and relating is who can teach you? Did you ever wonder if your “red flags” were really indications that something was wrong or is it just your fear of getting hurt again?
Do you find yourself on dates just wanting to be liked and finding rejection very hard? Do you try to be liked by people that you’re not sure you like?
Do you find yourself having a hard time setting boundaries? Do you find yourself out on dates with people who seem to have different goals and objectives?
Is it hard for you to ask questions? Do you know what questions you need to ask?
Are you afraid you will wind up in a bad relationship again?
Well stop worrying! You can become part of the “Getting Past Your Breakup” Dating and Relating Coaching Project
I am starting a new project which is very exciting and I am looking for two different groups of people. It’s a dating project that is going to be the basis of a book and documentary.
The book and documentary will be exploring what issues both men and women face in dating in the 21st century. I hope to have male/female/gay/straight/older/younger etc etc. I would like to speak with people who use on-line dating and those who don’t (or those who use a combination of both). I’m very interested in people who have been in dysfunctional or abusive relationships who want to learn what healthy dating and relationships are.
I’m interested in what issues people are facing in dating and starting new relationships after a major breakup and I can help them and guide them in the journey to make good choices and start relationships when you’re ready to get back out there again. I am interested in what people think is normal and what has worked or failed for you in the past.
The first group is the “in-person” group, 4-6 participants who talk to me (via email, phone, Skype or in-person) once a week and then meet with the whole group once a month for 8-10 weeks.
“In-person” can also mean via video cam (not web cam due to quality issues with most web cams). The in-person group will be part of both the book and documentary.
The second group will be the “e” group, 15-20 participants. Those that want to speak via phone, Skype, email or some other means. We will need a few participants to participate via video with the “in-person” group, but it is not necessary for everyone. We will have a “full group” WebEx meeting once or twice during the project. If you can’t be there you can send your questions ahead of time.
What is required:
1) For the in-person group, my preference is for people in the tri-state area (NY/NJ/CT) who are able to travel to Westchester County or NYC once a month. Must commit to the project for the length of the project.
A reader on the West Coast who wants to be involved asked if there is some way she could be. I will consider long-distance participants but you must be willing to video tape from your end on occasionally (with a video camera, not webcam), and Skype with both me and the group and videotape those sessions from your end (as we will on ours). When it goes to editing for the documentary, I want as much “clean” video as I can get. So if you are NOT in the NYC area and want to be as involved as possible, please let me know.
The “e” participants can participate by video and are welcome to participate as much or as little as you like.
2) Must be over the age of 21.
3) Must not be in a relationship and must not have been broken up for less than 3 months at the time we start the project (late February). Must not have been dating in this time. It is mandatory that you are putting yourself “out there” for the first time. Having someone in mind to date (perhaps a flirtation that you’re not sure about) is okay, but you cannot have been actively dating prior to the project.
4) Must have read Getting Past Your Breakup (by Susan J. Elliott (Da Capo 2009) and be familiar with the concepts and have applied some of them to your last breakup.
5) Must sign a release that sessions are filmed for a later documentary on dating (not at home and not on dates). The film will not be “reality TV” type editing or sensationalist but respectful documentary editing and final product. You will have the option of not being included in the film if you change your mind later on.
To be considered for his project, please send me a short bio, the timing of your last breakup, the details of your last breakup (long-term marriage/short relationship), familiarity with the GPYB book, willingness to sign releases for film and/or book, age, location and commitment to the project for 8-10 weeks.
I have discussed this project with a few people and may have more people than I require, so I might have to do face to face interviews with the in-person applicants but will do what I can to accommodate everyone.
If you want to participate, this is what you receive:
1) Free dating and “starting a new relationship” coaching advice for the length of the project (6-12 weeks) plus a few weeks afterwards (I’m not going to just cut you loose if you’re actively dating someone or starting a new relationship). We will explore all the issues you have meeting people, interacting on first dates, being yourself, setting boundaries, balancing time with you’re new person versus yourself and your interests, when/how to take it further, how to make a good decision, what to do with residual feelings about your ex, how to deal with rejection, how to reject someone else. We will review your dates, your feelings, what happened, who said what to whom and how to proceed. What to do if you really like this person and he or she doesn’t like you back. What happens if they like you and you don’t like them? We’ll talk about sex, affection, attraction and when your hormones or your heart want to rule your head. How to keep your head in the game.
2) The “in-person” group will receive free participation in a support group of others who are doing what you are doing (group meeting every couple of weeks). You will NOT be alone in your foray back into the world of dating and relationships.
3) All participants will receive credit in the new book (ONLY if you want it) or partial credit (first name, last initial or pseudonym) and in-person participants will be credited in the documentary. You do not have to be identified at all if you don’t want to be either in the book or documentary. You will also have the opportunity to join me in promoting the book if you like or want to do publicity (TV, radio, internet and print). Participation in publicity is completely optional. Identification is completely optional. We will use pseudonyms if you request it.
4) There will be some corporate sponsorship of the project so there will be some gift bag type perks for participants.
Please email:
sj_elliott@verizon.net
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