2/6 TFTD ~ V-day

If a couple has a healthy and strong relationship, Valentine’s Day should not be a stressor no matter what. If a person is “romance-challenged” or doesn’t know what to buy, this is something the couple should be able to talk about. A partner should be able to say, “Look, I want to do something for Valentine’s Day but I’m not sure what you would like. I’ve thought about doing a or b. Does this sound like fun?”

If a couple cannot talk about it, then there is a problem in the relationship that needs to be addressed. If one person is demanding spontaneity and surprise, maybe the surprise should be buh bye.

Talk about it. Talk about what do we, as a couple, think of V-day. Do we care? What are we doing or not doing? Does that lack surprise? Yes. But better to not be surprised than to have your mate freaking out over this.

If the stress of trying to be romantic and find the perfect gift causes harm to a relationship, then the couple has larger issues. No one should feel stressed out by this. If someone MUST be surprised and MUST have the perfect gift and if they don’t there will be trouble, the couple is in trouble anyway.

I had years where I wanted the dozen roses and why don’t I want them now? Because now I have someone who loves me 365 days a yea (366 in 2008). Back when I wanted it to be something it was because something was missing the other days. I didn’t feel loved or appreciated so give me some roses dammit. I had an ex who was a really good guy and he tried almost every Valentine’s Day that we were together to do something and nothing was ever good enough for me. Why? Because I wasn’t good enough. Because there was no gift in the entire world that could make me be okay with me…and that’s all I really wanted. And it’s something no one else can deliver.

If your mate is being unreasonable about Valentine’s Day perhaps a gift certificate for therapy should be the gift.

Love is what you do, it’s not what you say and it’s certainly not what you buy or the romance you try to conjure up one day a year. It’s NICE to be romantic and to get a nice gift but the relationship should not rise or fall on that. If someone is a romance dud or not a great gift giver, then you either accept that, help them out with it, or end the relationship.

Planning Valentine’s Day should NEVER cause stress. Valentine’s is a silly little holiday and for its importance to rise to the level of stress-inducer means there are more problems in the relationship than just Valentines Day. A healthy couple is comprised of two people who know how to pick their battles and focus on the important things and Valentine’s Day is not one of those things. If one person is so insecure or incomplete that they need some grand gesture on Vday, well therapy will help that, not some flowers.

My suggestion for all in Valentine’s Day is to celebrate together. Forgo the overpriced roses and chocolates. If you want to get a silly little gift and a card,that’s nice but don’t go crazy. I’m not even sure what the heck Valentine’s Day is all about. But don’t be stressing about it.

If dinner reservations are hard to get, go out the night before or the night after. The best Valentine’s Day for me was the one where we went to dinner the night before, he gave me a Hershey kiss (the big one) and a card and I gave him boxers with hearts all over them and a card. We both laughed and had a good time in a pretty empty restaurant. I’m sure it was packed the next night.

Valentine’s Day should not induce stress whether you are in a relationship or not. Be good to yourself and it won’t be stressful.

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