Recycling in Recovery

Recently I’ve received several emails with similar themes. It can be summed up in a sentence in an email I received last night that said, “I thought I was over this. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. What does it mean?”

Well, for one, it means you’re human. Second, it means you need to stop “shoulding” on your feelings.


and they will “process out” and go away if you just sit with them, journal about them, talk about them, but DON’T act out about them.

We can and will have residual grief that can be triggered by something or nothing. We will recycle through the feelings for an hour, a day or week. We will wring our hands and curse that we’re “back here” again.

But if we just sit with it and don’t ACT on it (ie reach out to the ex), it will GO AWAY.

Honor your feelings and acknowledge them but understand that everyone’s feelings are just a bit coo-coo…therefore, feelings should NEVER run the show.

Stephen Levine says to watch the feeling rise up, watch it whirl around and then bid it goodbye.

Crazy old feelings…they are sometimes completely inexplicable.

not to worry…just sit with them, honor them but know they are processing through and you will be on the other of them soon enough.

Even if you’ve done the whole gamut of grieving and being over it, sometimes we recycle through, many times for no apparent reason.

Just let it be, don’t worry about where you SHOULD be or what you SHOULD be feeling….just let it be and be good to YOU.


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