How to Use The Books and Workbook to Do the Work !

This page is in response to many questions about how to use the books in what order etc.  There are links to finding the podcast and the videos at the end.  Please supplement the books with the podcasts and the videos. Use the audiobooks as reinforcement. The work is BEST DONE using the paperback or electronic copy of the books. The audio should be used as REINFORCEMENT, not as the original way to absorb the material.

Please use ALL the GPYB/GBOT/GPYP Resources. I have tried to create materials that everyone can use to supplement the original material.  Go HERE for all GPYP/GPYB/GBOT Resources

GPYB is the most successful, comprehensive program in the world and one of the first books to discuss breakup grief and no contact and how to resolve historic unresolved loss and move on to a happier and healthier relationship at some point.  This is the most comprehensive program for getting over a breakup and getting on with a NEW LIFE.

This program started out as GETTING PAST YOUR PAST in Massachusetts and Rhode Island in the mid-1990s. It was in hiatus from 2000-2005.  In 2005, it was restarted in New York as a much smaller version and a blog for a handful of students.  After a few of the posts were forwarded to friends and then friends of friends of students, the blog went viral.  The post that caused the biggest sensation was When The Person You Love Doesn’t Love You.  That article has been ripped off so many times, I have had to pull it, but the video is HERE.  That article led to the publication of GPYB and will be the subject of my next book.

The program began in the 1990s as Getting Past Your Past, a general self-improvement seminar/workshop/course. It became Getting Past Your Breakup after most of the attendees were coming off a breakup/going through a divorce and asking for the BOOK (which did not exist).  (There is, believe it or not, an author named Susan Elliott with a book Getting Past Your Past.  People mix us up all the time.  She’s a Christian writer and my books are secular, so we are not even remotely connected.) 

But back to how this restarted in New York: The small GPYP classes (mostly the motivational part of the program – 2 hour classes for 6-20 people each week for 6 weeks) became WEEKEND seminars for 30-50 people who came from around the country and several came from outside the US.

At the seminars, people clamored for “the book.”  There had been NO talk of or plans for the book…but it became a reality when an international women’s organization asked for the book.  Since GPYP was a generic motivational program and most of my attendees were people getting over a breakup, I focused the first book on breakups. Although breakups are the main focus of the program, the program takes you back to your past and onto your future.  Hence, the Getting Past Your Past and Getting Back Out There.

When Getting Past Your Breakup was published, it became a critical success and was named About.com’s 2009 Breakup Book of the Year.  Since that time, it has been hailed as one of the best breakup books of all time by Marie Claire, Bustle, Huffington Post, and many others…   You can check out some of the accolades it has received HERE as well as the many reviews on Amazon, B&N, and Good Reads.

It has been released  in paperback, electronic, audio and 7 different languages.  If you have a request for a language, please contact Hachette Book Group.

Getting Past Your Breakup WORKS. 

This is HOW:

STEPS TO GETTING OVER A BREAKUP

Buy Getting Past Your Breakup and Getting Back Out There wherever books are sold—on-line or brick and mortar and PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW THEM!!!  If you don’t have an Amazon account, please go to review sites like Good Reads and review the books – every bit helps.  If you DO have an Amazon or Barnes & Noble account, please review on Good Reads as well.

You should start out with BOTH BOOKS (Yes, both books!)  and the Workbook.  The workbook contains exercises from both books as well as the GPYP seminars from back in the day – material that is not in either book.

Getting Past Your Past: the Workbook contains every GPYP/GPYB/GBOT exercise. It’s the full, comprehensive enchilada.

Download the workbook from THIS PAGE. 

The two books and the workbook work together. They are guidebooks and should be used as such. They should be opened every day while you’re going through this process. This is a 25 year old program that has been proven successful by thousands of people, but we are continually adding and changing the program to keep up with what happens in the world of neuroscience, cognitive science, behavioral science and all schools of psychology.  The workbook is on Version 3.0.

Getting Past Your Breakup is THE most successful program for getting past your breakup and healing your heart and going on to healthier relationships. For some reviews of the book and to see its placement on Best Breakup Books go HERE

DO NOT SKIP portions of the program. That won’t work. Do it as it’s supposed to be done. It works!!!

If you do the Relationship Inventory too early, you will think you are over it when you’re not.  You will think you have uncovered everything when you have not.  You will take shortcuts that you really shouldn’t take.

This work is about working out the bad and working in the good.  There is a system to it and it’s been created over 25 years.  There is a rhyme and a reason to it – if you short cut it, you’re going to have less than optimal results.  Build your foundation; build your life.  Learn your lessons – don’t rush it.

There are 2 books and many articles and the Mean Lady Talking Podcast and the YouTube videos.  We offer courses, workshops, seminars and the boot camps as well as individual coaching and counseling.  If you need the support, please join a boot camp!  They are amazing!  

But this program from the beginning pages of GPYB to the last pages of GBOT, should be something you are familiar with and you see how all the parts work together.

Link to GPYB Amazon U.S.


If you are outside the US or want to purchase GPYB somewhere other than Amazon, go to THIS PAGE for options.

I have been teaching this material a long time. I have removed some of the more advanced material so that you can decide if and when you want to work with it. The advanced material is not always available as it goes under revisions. See the Resources Page for current availability of advanced materials. I recommend that readers do the work in this way:

• Start with Getting Past Your Breakup (GPYB) paperback book and make sure you have NC, journaling, affirmations, and self-care down.  This does not mean just reading them but that journaling and affirmations and self-care is full of your DAILY ROUTINE.

You MUST MUST MUST build a foundation under you BEFORE you do the inventories. This part (#1) can take MONTHS!

If you have issues with contact, watch the NC videos below.You do not have to start at page 1 and go forward. If contact is an issue, go to the NC chapter in the book and this workbook. Watch the NC videos on the GPYP YouTube channel.

You should have read through the Grief chapter and understand the importance of balancing grief with self care: RE-READ CHAPTER ONE: THE ROADMAP TO HEALING in the beginning about balancing letting the bad out and the good in.

GRIEF: there are a few things to know about GRIEF. One is that it is going to dictate your breakup healing. If you ignore all the grief that came before this breakup and just zoom into the inventory, you’re going to repeat the pattern. The grief is what separates GPYB from everything else (it’s NOW appearing in breakup books, but it was not that way before GPYB – and the attention to grief is what has made GPYB so successful.) Please visit the PODCAST pages and the YOUTUBE videos after you read the grief chapter in GPYB at least a few times and you are NOT in the throes of deep grieving. DON’T RUSH IT.

When you have a solid foundation of NC, affirmations, journaling and self-care and are not falling apart in grief, you can start the Relationship Inventory. This can be as early as 6-8 weeks but sometimes can take MONTHS or even a year or so.  DO NOT RUSH IT.

If you are still deep in your feelings and/or not succeeding at NC, DO NOT do the Relationship Inventory until you are.

In the very early days, just feel your feelings for a while.  Do a lot of SELF-CARE and stay NO CONTACT.  The most important thing in the beginning is grieving, self-care (including affirmations, and NO CONTACT).  Journal, journal and journal!!!  Journaling is VERY IMPORTANT!

Watch the CLOSURE video below!!!  

• Read these important chapters in the book and workbook and do the exercises every day: Observation, Journaling, Affirmations (including Gratitude Lists) and Self-Care. These items MUST be part of your daily routine before you even think about doing the Inventories.

If you have kids, read Chapter 5 in GPYB and Chapter 7 in GBOT about parenting children after the breakup.

I also strongly suggest watching the YouTube videos especially for the affirmations. There is a new Power! Affirmations booklet coming out in March 2019.  The Power! Affirmations course is also coming back in March 2019.  But the basics are FEELINGS, SELF-CARE AND NO  CONTACT.  If you don’t have these basics down, don’t go any further.

The Affirmations are VERY important. There is an emphasis on affirmations in both books .

• When you have a solid foundation of NC, affirmations, journaling and self-care and are not falling apart in grief, you can start the Relationship Inventory. This is usually after 8-12 weeks, but it can take much longer. It’s okay if you’re not ready at 8 weeks or even at 12 weeks.

At this point, it’s time to open GBOT. It does not mean you’re ready to date or anywhere NEAR ready to date. GBOT is NOT a book for when you’re READY to date.

To purchase GBOT from Amazon US

If you are outside the US or want to purchase GBOT somewhere other than Amazon, go to THIS PAGE for options.

GBOT is a book to GET you ready for a healthy relationship LONG before you are ready to date and that starts when you’re still in the middle of GPYB.

DO NOT READ THE FIRST 3 CHAPTERS in GBOT. Instead, go to Chapter 4 in GBOT: The Standards and Compatibility List. After some of the thoughts and issues that came up in the Relationship Inventory START THIS. Out of all the things you’re going to work on between the 2 books, this is one of the MOST important and one you will hold near and dear long after you’ve forgotten your ex’s name.

• As you work through your Relationship Inventory, pull out the worksheets in the workbook for the Standards and Compatibility Inventory and the You/Me list.

• Review Chapters 8 and 9 in GBOT, “The Early Relationship” and the “Couples Inventory” and journal about what is healthy and what is not. Think about your previous relationships and what you do and do not want.

These chapters are about what kind of relationship and what kind of partner you want. If you don’t figure this out LONG before you are ready to date, you will fail again. Start to formulate what kind of partner you want NOW. Journal about what your “3 a.m. person” looks like. OTHERWISE you will just fail again. You use these chapters to START an idea of what you want and to COMMIT to it…that when you are finally ready to date you will be able to figure out EARLY if someone is or isn’t it.

These chapters in Getting Back Out There, talk about the most important lessons of Accept It, Change It and Leave as well as communication issues and habits and lifestyles.  This is about learning what a healthy relationship looks like and that it is ACHIEVABLE.  

It’s not about trying to find someone you think is cute and funny and hoping your lifestyles and points of view mesh, but of figuring out what you NEED to have in your life to support your life and what you’re willing and able to do for someone else in their life without giving up who and what you are.

Even though it’s called “The Early Relationship” and the “Couples Inventory” these chapters in GBOT give you ideas about what kind of relationship you want to have and what kind of partner you want to have. It’s about starting to FORMULATE what you want in a partner and in a relationship. It’s about what is healthy and what is not.  Take the time to really think about this and figure out what kind of partner will complement you and be the right type of person for you.

You MUST take this time between relationships to know what you want so that when you DO start to date, you will know immediately when to walk away. If you don’t take this time to figure all this out and COMMIT to yourself to walking away when it’s NOT RIGHT, you’re going to fail again and again and again.

Keep the GBOT stuff (Chapter 4, 8, 9, 10) as part of what you visit every week. KEEP FORMULATING what you want in a partner. Keep asking yourself these questions and getting this stuff DOWN and committing to this and not settling for less NO MATTER WHAT.

You have to get right about all that as you work through the rest of your breakup issues.

There is A LOT of food for thought in GBOT long before you are ready to date. Read it all (save the first 3 chapters and chapters 5 and 6 for when you actually ARE ready to date)

• Make a commitment via Affirmations to moving away from any future potential mate the minute they exhibit “Not Acceptable” behavior or are obviously missing a “Must Have.” The advanced affirmation material will include these commitment statements.

• While reading these chapters, journal about Accept It, Change It or Leave, Communication Issues and Habits and Lifestyles. Think about what you do and do not want in a partner. Continue the commitment statements.

• Continue to review the GBOT chapters every week, at least once a week. Keep asking yourself what kind of partner you want and need. Keep reviewing healthy and unhealthy communication patterns.

• Finish your Relationship Inventory and Your Letter and Letting Go Ritual.

• Open the Life Inventory/Mother Inventory/Father Inventory in GPYB with the idea of
what you want – it’s time to think about what you’ve had as far as relationships go and the influence of early caregivers (or absence caregivers).

• When you’ve done the Life and Parent Inventories, it’s time to return to GBOT and do the
Sexual Inventory if you need to.

• If you are ready to work on Overdeveloped Defense Mechanisms, go to the Overdeveloped Defense Mechanism chapter in this workbook. GPYB Productions is developing a Family of Origin course. Check the Resources page for availability.

• Now is the time to read the Real Love Chapter in GPYB and the first 3 Chapter of GBOT. Good luck!

At this time, if you are working with books like Codependent No More or Women Who Love Too Much or whatever, it’s time to make a full program of your own and make it all work together.  For a list of GPYB Recommended Books and Authors go HERE

In addition to the books and the workbook, please check out the Mean Lady Talking Podcast and the YouTubeVideosBy Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

All of the podcasts are also available on the GPYP YouTube Channel HERE

The podcast:

Please check out the Mean Lady Talking Podcast.  It is available on many formats.  Please see these pages for a list of episodes.   From these pages, you can either go to a post that is the Show Notes for that episode (with player)  or go to the platform where you like to listen to podcasts and find the Mean Lady Talking podcast.  There is a link to the podcast on all platforms on each other these pages:

Mean Lady Talking Podcast with Show Notes    This has ALL the information you need for the MLT podcast.   It is a full descriptive list of all MLT podcast episodes with a link to the Show Note post page [which includes (most of them) a minute by minute description, a player, platforms to listen on etc.]    It also includes all platforms and a player.

Quick and Dirty Listing of MLT Podcast episodes   This is a short list of every episode, the platforms and a player with all the episodes.

The Videos

In addition to the books and the workbook, please check out the YouTubeVideosBy Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Not all these videos are currently available and there are some new ones that are not listed here. But if you go to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/gettingpastyourpast     you will see what videos are there.  Be sure to subscribe and if you want to request a video or podcast, please do!!!!

NC The Way To Wellness – Go No Contact Today

This is the webinar I did (without the discussion that followed)…this is jthe presentation slide show but it is CHOCK FULL OF INFORMATION as to WHY No Contact and Take Care of You and the excuses that people give for breaking NC. NN Webinar – NO CONTACT is the SECRET to wellness.  GO NC TODAY!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clyOMywrfog

GPYB: Moving On After Infidelity and Broken Trust

This was a question on the blog about affirmations and becoming honest again after being unfaithful and being with a deceptive person. How do you move on when you feel shame and guilt? How do you trust people if you yourself have lied?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IL78ncR3yM&t=14s

GPYB: Your Right To Set Boundaries & How To Do That 

Another boundary lesson on setting boundaries with children and boundary crashers (Part 1 is about 9 minutes long) and, part 2, how to affirm your right to have boundaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvGMhcIx9D8

or https://youtu.be/NvGMhcIx9D8

(you don’t need to put both links in but you can use whichever one is easier for you….the first is in the browser and the second is under the SHARE button.)

Getting Past Your Breakup Introduction


Introduction to the Getting Past Your Breakup book. First in a series
of videos to accompany the book.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5Gp-nKMVnA

Getting Past Your Breakup No Contact Part I


This video is part 1 of the “Rules of Disengagement” of the Getting
Past Your Breakup Book. No-Contact is very important in the healing process of getting past a breakup.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4uKGp_qvPE

Getting Past Your Breakup Self-Care


Taking care of yourself during a breakup.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mV1FLvLLHk

Getting Past Your Breakup Parenting Part I


First in a series of how to be a healthy parent after a breakup from
Getting Past Your Breakup.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vMnZex297o

Getting Past Your Breakup Grief


Grief is the healing feeling and so important to your moving on process.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXf6f1lh93I

Getting Past Your Breakup NC Part 2 No FWB


Going NC means no physical relationship with the ex. Breakup sex is a bad idea. Don’t do it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUTgKnr_RTw

Dating After The Big Breakup


Dating After The Breakup. The first video in a long time and I apologize to my readers for it being so long though it sounds like I’m saying I apologize for making this one. Actually it does say I apologize for it, but that isn’t what I meant unless if you don’t like it, then feel free to take that as an apology. 😉

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BkuxkyRu2I

Stop Being An Idiot


Stop throwing money at people who can’t take care of their own responsibilities. You’ll be much, much happier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vl6_AhxL90

Sometimes It Just Is What It Is


This is the “sometimes they’re not jerks” version of “When someone tells us who they are, believe them.” This is the non-psychopath version. When we think differently than someone, it’s not always that they’re jerks. It’s sometimes that they are simply not where we are and they can’t be. But the answer is still the same: you have to take care of you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8UXpnGj7eU

Getting Through The Holidays After A Breakup


It’s very hard for many after a breakup when the holidays come around.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_ZmlNdDoIE

When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them


This is the “they just might be jerks” video. Sometimes I’m hard on these people and sometimes not so hard. This is somewhere in the middle. But as always, it’s about taking care of you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-y7GLwk5mY8

When The Person You Love Doesn’t Love You: Part One


Time to reject the rejecter. It’s that simple. Not easy, but simple. Here’s how.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg1BaONi2tw

When The Person You Love Doesn’t Love You PART TWO

Reject the Rejecter PART TWO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6WnwJI6OZw

Taking Your Anger Out On The “Other” Woman/Man


Don’t take your anger out on someone who owed you zero loyalty.

Another in the “Don’t Be An Idiot” series of GPYB PSAs. 🙂

BTW, a friend said my shirt looks like it’s inside out. No, it’s a henley that is ribbed. 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovhAnrxgBr4

GPYB’s Relationship Court: ENGAGEMENT RINGS!


Some legal information where the legal and the emotional intersect. This episode is ENGAGEMENT RINGS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05hzgRiijyw

On Fairness, Gratitude, Love, Loss & Holidays


Life isn’t fair, but keeping perspective helps a great deal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaa0y13yynQ

GPYB’s Relationship Court: Restraining Orders


If you are not entitled to a restraining order, check yourself at the door. If you are, RUN to the court. Don’t abuse the court systems, but use it for your own benefit when you are entitled to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-hdo_5pEjE

GPYB’s Relationship Court: Evidence and Notice


How to avoid a judgment against you for throwing out your ex’s stuff or how to prevail when your ex throws your stuff out. Two words: EVIDENCE and NOTICE!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smWOqIDBuwM

GPYB’s Relationship Court: Written and Verbal Contracts


Know your rights and obligations when you co-sign or enter into a written agreement with your partner. Know what happens when you breakup with an apartment lease, a car lease, a cell phone plan. Know your rights (there will not be many).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcPFiyvoPc8

Build Your Own Life & Stop Worrying About Your Ex


If you’re thinking of the ex and the ex’s new love, that is 3 people not thinking about YOU. Time to change the equation. Get back in your own life! Time to make a list of things you need to do for you. It’s time to stop obsessing on what the ex did or did not do and what the new person has that you don’t. THINK ABOUT YOU.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_Cpw1gDeQQ

Closure & Getting Answers To Questions You Really Don’t Want


We all want “closure” and we also want answers to make our breakup make sense. Be careful what you wish for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdcVxPW1htg

Getting Past Your Breakup; My Story Part One


I’m putting GPYB and part of GBOT on YouTube for the workshop/seminar/study hall that is beginning 1/1/16 and part of the first book is my story. This is part one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrFr88KO0qM

Getting Past Your Breakup; My Story Part Two

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0drrFdGJ88

Getting Past Your Breakup; My Story Part Three

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_GplbiUACo

Getting Past Your Breakup; My Story Part Four

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PuQZyEPXaM

Getting Past Your Breakup; My Story The Finale: Part Five

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUkQ9ksW3jk

Being Friends With The Ex (and why it’s a bad idea!)


Don’t feel guilty if you don’t want to be friends with the person who broke your heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQNpM2fqbVg

Loyalty and the Adult Child Dilemma


When to be loyal and when not to be and how growing up in a dysfunctional home does not prepare you to know when to be either. When we insist on being loyal to someone who is mistreating us, we are being EXTREMELY disloyal to ourselves and this tendency is PROMINENT in adult child (of alcoholics, substance abusers, divorced parents etc).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-HiijGasQQ

Standards and Compatibility Part I


You have to think about what are your standards long before you’re ready to date. The memory card ran out in the middle of the video so this is part I. 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMf7K5QsWIQ

Standards and Compatibility Part 2


You have to think about what are your standards long before you’re ready to date. This is about developing and sticking to your boundaries, standards, negotiables and non-negotiables.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN6Tr_3F5TU

GPYB Affirmations Part I


Affirmations Work When Done Correctly! Learn How…part I I’ve updated it in 2016. NOTE: this video uses version 1 of the workbook and only one affirmations video is available when the Power Affirmations course is on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUIer1ji8CU

Roadmap to Healing: Grief Goals and Good To Me


How to start the roadmap to healing. Why grief is so hard and what you need to balance it out. You need to understand your grief process, work on self-care and set goals, big and small.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqhQl6Kb_cU

 

GPYB Does Anybody Miss Me???


It’s better to be alone than to be with people who make you feel alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIeOaP-b-HQ

CoParenting with the Personality Disordered and the System


This video accompanies my series on Psychology Today on CoParenting with the Personality Disordered and “the system” and specifically addresses email harangues and Parenting Coordinators who allow inappropriate communication. If you have questions or comments, please leave them below and I will answer them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfdoLwmfDpQ

How Can Someone Just Walk Out After Saying They Love You


Answering Questions from the Questions Post Continued. How can someone say they love you in the morning and walk out in the evening?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wxVi6YAOh4

My Ex Has Changed Into Who I Wanted Her To Be


Can people suddenly change into the person you wanted them to be? Don’t be fooled by Facebook and Instagram happy – shiny photos. Don’t believe that someone suddenly becomes the person you want them to be. It doesn’t usually happen. It’s not true. Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vPdiIiFKHU

GPYB Questions From The ?’s Post: Introducing Kids To New Partner


Questions: This question has to do with a partner who is now parading the

new partner in front of the children PART 1.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-vHTvJKbmU

Getting Past Your Breakup: Moving On From Mr. Confused


Questions from the Questions Post on how to move on from a man who one day says she’s the one he wants to spend his life with and the next is moving on – VERY VERY MIXED MESSAGES.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7p7OjLCPio

Getting Past Your Breakup: Simple Divorce Dragged out


Another Questions from the Questions Post on filing for divorce, 401k, IRS and spousal support. It’s difficult to get spousal support when you’ve lived for a year without it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCBjDmyziAg

The Ex Introduces the Kids To The New GF/BF


Follow up on when the ex brings someone new around the children too early. One of the Questions today was about the ex bringing someone new around the children – this is a more general answer for everyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddgqgiTX38U

GPYB: Staying Silent About Abuse and Being Called a Liar


It’s hard to come out as an abuse victim and too many victims are revictimized after they tell the truth. I’ve been told my book is a lie. I’ve had people give me negative reviews because they think that too much of my story is in the book. It’s not easy to come out and tell your truth when you’ve been a victim. One of the biggest fears is that no one is going to believe you. So to be called a liar is to have one of the biggest fears you’ve had realized and it’s not okay.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI3APEjdFQY

Introduction to Staying Silent About Abuse


I’m going to be doing some videos on being a victim and being called a liar as well as those who are trying to game the system by claiming to be a victim when they’re not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXB_OFUoIcQ

Getting Past Your Breakup: When The Perfect Person Walks


Question from the questions post. You can email me at gpyb.com AT gmail.com instead of the blog if you have new questions. When you really care about someone who says you’re the perfect person for them, but they have issues to work through from past relationships and can’t be in the relationship with you right now…what to do? Number one requirement: WANTS TO BE WITH ME!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn05INkFPrQ

Getting Past Your Breakup: Getting Over Emotional Abuse


Question from the Questions post: when you’ve been with a deranged sociopathic gaslighter. How to move on?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPnzMKKVBIY

On Widows and Widowers


People tend to not understand widows and widowers who lose the love of their lives. It’s a tough place to be and compassion would help us a lot. There is NO time frame that is “right” and you should never tell someone that it’s time to move on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd7dhmJC-1M

Question: Is It Bad To Not Want To Be Alone?


Question from the Questions Post: Is It Bad To Not Want To Be Alone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAB3fKpSzPw

Gaslighting and Emotional Abuse and Manipulation


If you think you’re going crazy, it’s probably not you. The many facets of gaslighting…an intense and particularly abusive form of psychological manipulation. The Psychology Today article is here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201610/10-ways-tell-if-youre-being-gaslighted.

/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVt5SNp59vs

GPYB: Boundary Setting 1


Boundary setting. I’m doing a few different videos on boundary setting and this is 1. They’re not in a series or any particular order but numbering them so that you can remember which one you’ve watched.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klcvzXDDZ-A

GPYB: Boundary Setting Preface


Boundary setting — getting ready to set some boundaries. If you’re feeling put upon or upset, it’s time to set a boundary without worrying about how other people are going to feel about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnQOL2ZDaas

GPYB: Having Kids With a Cheater


As an attorney and a therapist, I sometimes recap judge shows that stay with me. Judges will say, “I’m not a therapist” and therapists will say, “I’m not a lawyer…” Well, I’m both so I have that somewhat unique perspective. I am recapping and commenting on a Judge Mathis episode that I saw where this woman had a child with a guy she called a cheater who had 8 kids…craziness ensued. STOP THESE RIDICULOUS SCENARIOS. It makes for good TV but terrible life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHtmn-evF84

GPYB: Boundaries and Family Roles (Hero/Scapegoat/Mascot/Lost)


One of the things to think about with boundaries is stepping out the role that you’ve been assigned. it’s time to stop and observe. When you grow up in dysfunctional families, you get assigned a role such as hero, mascot, lost child, scapegoat and you have to step out of that role before you can set boundaries and change your life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISwRr_pWp88

GPYB: Boundaries and Relationships


Learning to set boundaries with children and adults are often the same thing. Sometimes when you’re setting boundaries, it’s not that cut and dried. Boundaries are very complicated. It takes a lot to work on relationships and boundaries are definitely part of the equation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4PVSdaG16g

GPYB: Affirmations Part 1


Affirmations are not “new agey and Oprah-eque” which is what one reviewer said they were.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW9HnCZPNM8

GPYB: Boundaries Check List


A checklist to see if you are setting boundaries correctly…the checklist is from the Getting Past Your Past workbook available for instant download on www.GettingPastYourBreakup.com.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNEKpdY48Qc

GPYB: Boundaries and Language


Language is very important when it comes to boundary setting. Using “I” language. Making sure that your language matches the situation and that everyone knows what words mean. How to explain to everyone, adults and children, what you expect from them. How to set reasonable expectations. Picking your battles and learning to communicate expectations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2Zlvf-beFE

GPYB: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting Boundaries


I’ve referred to this book a few times in my boundary videos and wanted to give a quick overview of the book for parents and others who need to understand how boundaries make children feel safe and loved. I am not affiliated with this book or these authors in any way – they had an AMAZING effect on my life and they are included in the bibliographies in my books. I talk about how to use this book in almost all my boundary videos and it was an AMAZING resource in my life. Children want and need boundaries….give them to them!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUncE5Vz_Ko

GPYB: Moving On After Infidelity and Broken Trust


This was a question on the blog about affirmations and becoming honest again after being unfaithful and being with a deceptive person. How do you move on when you feel shame and guilt? How do you trust people if you yourself have lied?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IL78ncR3yM

NC The Way to Wellness


NC Webinar – NO CONTACT is the SECRET to wellness. GO NC TODAY!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clyOMywrfog

If you get something from the books, please review on Amazon and other places like Good Reads (or Barnes & Noble, Goodreads etc) THANK YOU!!!

 

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