Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 13
This is the podcast that tackles tough questions about relationships, life, love and loss. The Mean Lady Podcast is hosted by grief therapist, motivational speaker, best-selling author and attorney, Susan J. Elliott
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Show Notes for Episode 13
What’s in this podcast:
Times are approximate
Pre-podcast introduction: 00.00
Story behind why this episode and why GPYB launched a podcast due to cyberbullying and the cowardly behavior of Psychology Today – enablers of abusers and misogynists. 0:02:00
The traffic on my articles on abuse and dealing with personality-disordered:0:11:00
What has changed in the legal system in the past few years and why it plays to the personality-disordered 0:12:00
For the purpose of this podcast, the definition of “personality-disordered” is personality disordered (PD) ex, most usually sociopath, psychopath or narcissist.
The psychiatric disorder can also include some borderline personalities, abusers and some “Axis I” diagnoses such as Bipolar when it is complicated even further with features such as psychosis.
In most instances, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder and is not representative of the behaviors indicated in this podcast. For the record, in very rare instances, mood disorders can have complications such as psychotic features where the person is in an altered state. Sometimes their psychosis seriously curtails their ability to control their mood disorder and they can become manipulative or extremely self-centered and irrational. This article is not, in any way, talking about people with mood disorders such as depression, bipolar, etc.
This podcast is about those who are not just defined only by the DSM Axis II diagnosis. Instead, for this article, they are defined as extremely unhealthy, toxic, self-centered, manipulative individuals whose life goal seems to revolve around making other people miserable. Their ruse is one of long-suffering victim and caring parent, when nothing could be further from the truth.
They are ENERGY SUCKS in the worst ways. They are draining. It’s so difficult to deal with them and a legal system which moves slowly.
The PDs and the legal and mental health system: 17:25
“Adversarial system” is how the legal system is set up: 20:00
The PD thinks he or she is a victim: 22:20
Excuse me, your Honor, you just gave this lunatic a stage: 23:10
To smoke out who the PD is, listen to the language: 24:00 (extreme, inflammatory, explosive).
This is NOT to say that everything has to be sent to a judge eventually, but THINK that if the PD wants to “up the ante,” you may need to produce evidence that whatever it is didn’t happen or isn’t true.
The PD now has technology to spread the craziness: 25:45
How non-PD (where no one is a PD) couples handle divorce: 27:10
Contrast to the couples where there is a PD: 29:00
ANY NAME-CALLING in so-called “co-parenting” email is ABUSIVE: 29:50
How to maintain no-contact with a co-parent 30:40
You have to PRACTICE boundaries and minimum contact (brief and business=like) with the PD co-parent: 31:15
Impossible to achieve this with a PD: 32:00
If a “co-parent” is characterizing the other as negative/terrible things, it’s important to tone it down rather than ratchet it up.
When you try to set boundaries with a PD, they turn up the heat 33:25
Responding or not responding to a PD “co-parent”
1. DO NOT speak to them via text or phone. It’s better to have email only. Even if they object, just say, “This is how I’m doing it.”
2. You do not have to answer diatribes against you. The only thing that is important to respond to is when they characterize something you did as dangerous or harming the child.
3. ONLY respond to things that bring your parenting into question and could possibly have negative legal consequences.
4. If the ex continues to harass, tell the ex that once you hit the insult, you’re deleting it.
5. Speak in “I” language.
6. If you absolutely, positively have to respond to an email to “make a record:”
How to write the email: 34:45
Introductory paragraph: 36:50
Walk the judge through the issues: 37:00
Correct any factual errors: 39:00
Quote lunacy from the ex’s email and then insert your response which is reasonable 39:40
Lecturing the PD in the nicest possible way: 40:00
PLEASE comment and ask questions for future podcasts on how to co-parent with a disordered ex.
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Opening and closing music: Happy Empowering Soul by BlackSounds
Voice Over: Troy Hudson
Podcast Artwork by Alexenia
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To find out why it’s called “The Mean Lady Podcast” check out Episode 1 HERE