The Mental, Emotional and Physical Damage from Stalking


I have done a podcast and 2 articles on Male Stalking Victims (links below) using the Travis Alexander (Jodi Arias) and Ryan Poston (Shayna Hubers) cases as examples of how men – young, vibrant, strong men – get cut down in the prime of their lives by crazy ex girlfriends.   

I am going to be doing a podcast on stalking victims. I want to do one on Emma Walker and the issue of stalking in high school and college. I want to do one on ALL stalking victims – old, young, male, female…and I would like some stories from same sex relationships as well.


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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 39a

In this first of 3 podcasts we discuss psychological diagnosis, Narcissism, AntiSocial Personality Disorder, Psychopaths, and the Watts Family Murders

The Latest Episode from Mean Lady Talking Podcast!

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 40

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How We Forgive and When or Not

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. ~ August Wilson

Forgiveness of others starts after we do our grief work and our Relationship Inventory and our examination of the relationship and feel the spectrum of emotions. It does not start right away.

Forgiveness of others is the end, rather than the beginning, of the process. True – 100 percent forgiveness – of someone who has hurt you deeply is a myth. I was very comforted to read in Women Who Run With Wolves (full excerpt below): You can choose from any ways to do it. You can forgive for now, forgive til then, forgive til next time, forgive but give no more chances–it’s a whole new game if there’s another incident. You can forgive part, all, or half of the offense. You can devise a blanket forgiveness. You decide.

True forgiveness for someone who has hurt you and is not sorry – or worse – hurt someone you love usually doesn’t happen. You forgive as much as you can as soon as you can and then you just accept the rest.  My ex-husband went to his grave not ever apologizing to his kids – yet admitted – on his deathbed – that he was wrong.  He said to his brothers, “Tell my boys I was wrong.”  He passed a few years ago, and  I have been enraged that he would a) drop that in his brother’s lap and b) not even have the decency to scrawl it out on a napkin: Dear Boys: I was wrong. Love you, Dad. 

Was that so hard?  You did NOTHING for them when you were alive and they couldn’t even get an apology?!?!!
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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode Number 22 Show Notes

Welcome to the

Mean Lady Talking Podcast

This episode is MORE

Talking About Dating and Self-Revelations, Standards and Fooling Ourselves

This is the podcast that tackles tough questions about

relationships, life, love and loss.

The Mean Lady Podcast is hosted by grief therapist, motivational speaker, best-selling author and attorney, Susan J. Elliott

To see a list of all episodes with links to each episode’s Show Notes, go HERE

For a list of all places to listen to and subscribe to the podcast scroll down to the bottom of this post

To see all episodes and to subscribe via iTunes go HERE


Show Notes for Episode Number 22

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Why The Mean Lady Talks Mean: Learning What You Need to Know

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

“I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.” – Winston Churchill

The first episode of the Mean Lady Talking Podcast (for a listing of episodes go HERE) explains the meaning behind the title.

But here’s a bit of tip about giving and receiving “advice.”  You don’t always like the package it comes in.

When I first started my journey toward wholeness, I spent a lot of time wishing that someone would feel sorry for me, take pity on me, see that I had been through a lot.

My first therapist did not feel sorry for me but told me what I needed to hear. My support group could be brutally honest as well.

As it explains in Episode 1, I was told that if I was looking for sympathy I would find it “in the dictionary between sh&% and syphillis.” Harsh words but ones that helped me to realize that there was no prize in getting sympathy. There was only a prize in hearing the truth about me. And if the truth is told with love and caring, it is a great truth indeed.

Some of the greatest truths are the hardest to hear.

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Is #texting or #sexting #cheating?

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed. © 2019

Decide What Is Right for You and Your Relationship

There is a fairly large distinction between fathering a child with another woman while married and flirting with a coworker in texts.  There is a fairly large distinction between hiring prostitutes and typing out sexual fantasies to an anonymous internet chat room  There may even be a distinction between porn addiction (while in a relationship) and sexting (while in a relationship) and some might say they’re all the same.   Some believe that all of the above is cheating and all of the above is, therefore, wrong.

When I see clients who have had a breakup, I often see them rushing to get out there sooner than they’re ready to. In Getting Past Your Breakup, I caution people to take it slowly and heal from your breakup before even thinking about dating again. Unless you want to get into another failed relationship just like the one you just got out of, wait and do the work prescribed by Getting Past Your Breakup before Getting Back Out There!

When they ARE ready, I counsel people not to put anything on the internet you would not want your grandmother to see, but they do it all the time anyway. It can be destructive to your relationship, your job and your reputation.

Unless you want the whole world seeing what you’re up to, don’t put anything in text and don’t snap photos of your private parts. If you say it forget it, if you write it, regret it. If you live by that rule, chances are you are not going to have lots of explaining to do to anyone at any time.

People still continue to behave in ways that leave a fairly distinct trail. Every day people are caught sexting or engaging in other behavior their partner objects to. Every day hearts are broken when illicit behavior comes to light. Every day people become confused over their own behavior or their partners.
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Breakup Grief Ends. Bank on it. Believe in It.

by Susan J. Elliott ©  2004-2019

I wrote this essay in the summer of 2005 and edited it the summer of 2007 right before my youngest son got married.  Both my ex husband and my husband were alive at the time.  Each has since passed. I’ve left the present tense alone.

Breakup grief ends. Know it. Bank on it. Believe in it.

But only IF:  if you do your work, it ends. If you work through it, it ends. If you feel your feelings and allow grief to happen, it ends.

When it is the breakup of a relationship, it definitely ends. If it’s a marriage with children you might forever regret that your children did not grow up in a loving home with both biological parents, but that is not the same as continuing to grieve your relationship. That grief can and will end. Continue reading

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 44


In this episode we are talking about grief – teenage suicides, gratitude, murder and sharing with others. Podcast player and platform links after the jump.

#grief #loss #murder #suicide #sharing #communication #gratitude

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Mean Lady Talking Podcast Episode 43

In this episode we’re talking about taking in information about other people and how we either jump to conclusions without enough evidence to judge harshly or to believe quickly.  Some of the things on here are difficult to hear – because it involves a documentary about pedophiles.
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Men As Stalking Victims, Part 2: 10 Things To Know For Safety’s Sake

stalkingWould Travis Alexander and/or Ryan Poston be alive today if everyone was duly informed about men as stalking victims?

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

 

There is a fine line between serendipity and stalking. ~ David Coleman

What Is Stalking

The reason the David Coleman quote above resonates with me is that a woman who appeared to be stalking a man called it serendipitous when she wound up in a club a half mile from his home, where he was known to frequent, on the same night he did.  She said to me, “It’s serendipity!” and I said, “No, it’s stalking.”  I don’t know when the quote above was made by its source, but I had this conversation 14 years ago.  Another quote that came to mind, is “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”  She kept thinking that their “accidental” run-ins meant they were destined to be together.  It didn’t and they weren’t.  Thankfully she moved on, and no one died.

Stalkers Who Turn Into Murderers

It has long been known that female stalking victims have been killed by their stalker. Laws to protect people have been put into effect after stalking turns to murder. Rebecca Shaefer’s murder in 1989 led to stronger laws in California to hide addresses of public figures. It’s not a small thing and it’s not unusual. What is unusual is the small amount of attention paid to female stalkers as murderers and their victims. While we may pay attention to the murder trials, we have done little to educate everyone about how men can protect themselves if they have a stalking ex-girlfriend or obsessive girlfriend they can’t seem to get to go away.

The Murders of Travis Alexander and Ryan Poston

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MLT Ep 42 Switching Gears, Anger, Approval, Abandonment

January reminds me of all of these things: not being able to switch gears, trying to get approval for someone who would never give it, homicidal anger, self-soothing and abandonment (or “How Wacky Can One Person Be?”) The WORLD should TG that I found recovery!


For the media player OR to find the link to the podcast on your favorite platform, click on continue reading —>

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Breaking Up and Deciding to Make “The Turn”

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.©

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can’t prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you’re presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power. ~ Blaine Lee

Each of us has the power to decide whether or not a hurt, a loss, a change in circumstance is going to keep us down.

Each of us has the power to say, “NO MORE” to someone who is hurting us. Each of us has the power to walk away and look at our inner selves instead of trying to get whatever it is we are trying to get from the outside. It comes down to CHOICE.

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